“Summer Catch” Starring Jessica Biel, Freddie Prinze Jr. and Matthew Lilliard
Directed by Michael Tollin
Bummer Batch
By Michele Dillon
What really can you say about a movie like this? I’m so glad that Freddie Prinze Jr. no longer makes movies? When are they going to stop casting Jessica Biel as well? Ok, so I really don’t have that big of a problem with Jessica Biel but I do think that she is too ridiculously skinny now that she is all “famous” and I used to like that she was the one that would make everybody be proud with her about her curvy body. That’s just another one who got lost to the Hollywood fame. Not that I am saying I would have all that much luck myself having to deal with the whole world talking about my weight. It gets pretty bad what people say nowadays. I really am just trying to stall with this right now…
So the movie was about a boy (yes boy, not man) who stays home for the summer so he can try out for the hometown minor league baseball team. Supposedly he is really good but you really don’t see it cause he I guess he gets the case of the nerves when he plays for the games that count. But then he hits his stride and starts doing really well. All the while he is dating this girl who is played by Biel and she is some kind of fancy shmancy too rich for him type of character so its all about the families hating families thing and “I’m not good enough for you” stupid crap that used to be the plots of a lot of romantic comedies back in the day. It really wasn’t anything new and interesting. It was predictable, lame and there wasn’t even any whip creamed naked girls in it (even though I am not a guy, I think everyone can agree a whip cream naked girl always fixes a bad movie).
I am so glad that romantic comedies (for the most part) are taking a new twist these days (I.E.: Ugly Truth, Forgetting Sarah Marshall). I really don’t know how many more of these on the Worst List I can watch. I can’t even say anything funny about this movie because it was so dull; it took away all my wittiness.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
50th Worst Movie: Cheaper By the Dozen 2
“Cheaper By the Dozen 2” Starring Steve Martin, Bonnie Hunt and Hilary Duff
Directed by Adam Shankman
Cheap and Cheesy (And I certainly don’t want a dozen of it)
By Michele Dillon
If you want to know if you are going to be watching a bad movie there are a few things that you need to look out for. First off, anything with a 2, 3 or 4 after the title or just repeats the same title as the original but puts a THE in front it you want to steer clear from! Secondly, if it says Hilary Duff stars ANYWHERE in the movie, whether it is a cameo or not (is she even famous enough to do a cameo?) then you can just PUT THE MOVIE DOWN…WALK AWAY SLOWLY…and not to be too drastic but you must quickly leave the movie aisle that you are in or bad things might happen. Thirdly (thirdly is a word, right?), please remember that Adam Shankman is a good dance choreographer, but never in anyone’s definition does that ever mean that you can direct movies or that you should even try. And finally, if it talks like a bad script (you can tell its talking like a bad script because usually it does it in a really bad imitation of a British accent), it sounds like a bad script (this is simple, just have someone read it out loud to you and if you cringe at the first sentence then that’s a good sign that it is a bad script-OR to make it even more simpler, just have the script read itself to you and you’ll know immediately if its bad because of the poorly imitated British accent we just talked about-but be careful with this one, once you get a bad script to read itself…sometimes there is no turning back), it walks like a bad script (believe me, I’ve seen bad scripts walk…it was trying to get out of the scene of the set as fast as it could!)…then it IS a bad script.
If it was not abundantly clear by now, this movie is what I consider bad due to all of these qualifications…or in other words…duh.
Directed by Adam Shankman
Cheap and Cheesy (And I certainly don’t want a dozen of it)
By Michele Dillon
If you want to know if you are going to be watching a bad movie there are a few things that you need to look out for. First off, anything with a 2, 3 or 4 after the title or just repeats the same title as the original but puts a THE in front it you want to steer clear from! Secondly, if it says Hilary Duff stars ANYWHERE in the movie, whether it is a cameo or not (is she even famous enough to do a cameo?) then you can just PUT THE MOVIE DOWN…WALK AWAY SLOWLY…and not to be too drastic but you must quickly leave the movie aisle that you are in or bad things might happen. Thirdly (thirdly is a word, right?), please remember that Adam Shankman is a good dance choreographer, but never in anyone’s definition does that ever mean that you can direct movies or that you should even try. And finally, if it talks like a bad script (you can tell its talking like a bad script because usually it does it in a really bad imitation of a British accent), it sounds like a bad script (this is simple, just have someone read it out loud to you and if you cringe at the first sentence then that’s a good sign that it is a bad script-OR to make it even more simpler, just have the script read itself to you and you’ll know immediately if its bad because of the poorly imitated British accent we just talked about-but be careful with this one, once you get a bad script to read itself…sometimes there is no turning back), it walks like a bad script (believe me, I’ve seen bad scripts walk…it was trying to get out of the scene of the set as fast as it could!)…then it IS a bad script.
If it was not abundantly clear by now, this movie is what I consider bad due to all of these qualifications…or in other words…duh.
Monday, March 22, 2010
51st Worst Movie: Glitter
"Glitter" Starring Mariah Carrey, Max Beesley & Terrence Howard
Directed by Vondie Curtis-Hall
Slit-her Wrists!
By Michele Dillon
There are lots of things that glitter; stars…glitter…OK maybe there aren’t that many things that glitter but the point is, this movie doesn’t glitter at all. Something about watching Mariah Carrey in a movie, trying to act, made me think that there can be something worse than hearing Mariah Carrey sing. But guess what? This movie was a double whammy! I got to see Mariah Carrey try to act AND she sang at the same time! It was chaos! I didn’t know whether I should chop off my ears or gouge my eyeballs out! In the end, I settled for sticking it out through the movie so I could make fun of it to my fullest extent.
So the premise of the movie was a young girl that got taken away from her mother because she was, you guessed it, a drug addict. But she was singing since she was a little kid (I know, I almost puked trying to think of Mariah Carrey as a little kid too) and as she got older she was in what someone can only call a singing group with bad clothes (it was probably to deter from the bad singing). But one magical day, she gets discovered and she no longer has to wear bad clothes…she has to wear really bad clothes. She ends up dating her producer (didn’t anyone ever tell her that is a bad idea) and then she stops dating her producer…things happen….someone gets killed….but everything is alright because in the end she gets to meet her drug addict mother (who supposedly she has not been able to locate since she got taken away)!!
Now as you can see, I am not just a highly critical person, I actually do pay enough attention to a movie to be able to look at it in a completely non-biased way and then critique it in a completely right (and I am the only one who ever really is right about movies and whether or not they are good) way. So you are welcome for enlightening you and saving you about 2 excruciating hours of your life…don’t say I never did you any solids.
Directed by Vondie Curtis-Hall
Slit-her Wrists!
By Michele Dillon
There are lots of things that glitter; stars…glitter…OK maybe there aren’t that many things that glitter but the point is, this movie doesn’t glitter at all. Something about watching Mariah Carrey in a movie, trying to act, made me think that there can be something worse than hearing Mariah Carrey sing. But guess what? This movie was a double whammy! I got to see Mariah Carrey try to act AND she sang at the same time! It was chaos! I didn’t know whether I should chop off my ears or gouge my eyeballs out! In the end, I settled for sticking it out through the movie so I could make fun of it to my fullest extent.
So the premise of the movie was a young girl that got taken away from her mother because she was, you guessed it, a drug addict. But she was singing since she was a little kid (I know, I almost puked trying to think of Mariah Carrey as a little kid too) and as she got older she was in what someone can only call a singing group with bad clothes (it was probably to deter from the bad singing). But one magical day, she gets discovered and she no longer has to wear bad clothes…she has to wear really bad clothes. She ends up dating her producer (didn’t anyone ever tell her that is a bad idea) and then she stops dating her producer…things happen….someone gets killed….but everything is alright because in the end she gets to meet her drug addict mother (who supposedly she has not been able to locate since she got taken away)!!
Now as you can see, I am not just a highly critical person, I actually do pay enough attention to a movie to be able to look at it in a completely non-biased way and then critique it in a completely right (and I am the only one who ever really is right about movies and whether or not they are good) way. So you are welcome for enlightening you and saving you about 2 excruciating hours of your life…don’t say I never did you any solids.
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