60th Worst Movie: Stay Alive

“Stay Alive” Starring Jon Foster, Samaire Armstrong and Frankie Muniz
Directed by William Brent Bell

I Stayed Alive
By Michele Dillon

So because of the fact that I have not described what a movie is actually about in a long time in one of my reviews, I will start again in this one. The premise of the movie is that there is a video game called “Stay Alive” and once you play it and die in the game, then you die the same way in real life as you did in the game. That is about all the time I will waste on what the movie is about.

Now, I am probably being biased since I am half in love with Jon Foster (the other half of my love goes to my fiancé, Josh, OK its probably more like 40/60) but this movie wasn’t all that bad. I would have to say the worst part of the whole movie was that they gave all the cussing lines to Frankie Muniz and if you have ever seen Malcolm in the Middle, it would sound like the weirdest thing in the world to hear Malcolm cuss. The rest of the bad of the movie is (and yes, I know that fragment does not make sense, Microsoft Word alerted me of that) that the script isn’t the greatest, I guess that is directly correlated to the cussing but I actually cannot think of anything else that would warrant this movie being on the list. I think I could replace it with about 10 other movies that are a lot worse than this one. I am not going to veto it off the list however because I am neutral about it, so I do not feel strongly enough to use my well deserved and amazingly thought out vetoes.

The End

P.S. I love Jon Foster

61st Worst Movie: Jawbreaker

“Jawbreaker” Starring Rose McGowan, Julie Benz and Rebecca Gayheart
Directed by Darren Stein

Psychotic Break
By Michele Dillon

Watching this movie, I was just dying to make one of my lists as to why this movie is so bad so do not deny me of my one hope and dream! Oh yeah, you can’t…it’s not like you can make me stop typing or anything…

Before I start, I will give a brief synopsis of the movie so you know what I am talking about: Three girls kidnap their best friend at the beginning of the movie for her birthday and one of the girls decides to stick a jawbreaker in the friend’s mouth and then duck tape it so she can’t scream. They put her in the trunk and then when they open it, the jawbreaker is stuck in her throat and she is obviously dead.

Reasons Why This Movie Sucks

1.) The girls that were supposed to be playing Highs School-ers looked like they were in their late 20’s. Not that that is old, but people in their late 20’s cannot pull off looking like they are 18, it is just not plausible.
2.) Rose McGowan should stick to acting on the show Charmed. Reason? Because she sucks at acting and that show excels on amazingly bad talent.
3.) It was ridiculous that McGowan’s character had absolutely no remorse for her friend dying and the fact that she was the one that accidentally did it. The movie was trying to act like that is how bitchy teenagers act, but really, that just means that you are psychotic.
4.) It was even more ridiculous that instead of making McGowan’s character get caught by the police at the end of the movie, they just made this big whole scene on how her “High School career” was over because everybody thinks she is a murderer. News Flash: her WHOLE life is over because she IS a murderer, whether on accident or not. She would not have gone to jail if she had just called the police after it happened and admitted it was an accident.
5.) The filming was so off the wall, it reminded me of Slackers. It had all these dream sequences that were not dream sequences but sometimes they were…knock it off people, I do not like these! Either it’s a dream sequence or it is not! You cannot have both! BTW- what is the obsession with dream sequences anyway, you can just take a hint from me right now, they are dumb and they never turn out as good as you are probably thinking it will in your head. I obviously have very strong opinions about this; sorry if you do not understand my overreaction about dream sequences…it makes sense to me…
6.) I’m flying amongst a sky full of clouds, my head is floating, oh my god, when could heads start floating, this is crazy! I start taking my floating ahead across the universe and we travel until no one understands where we are going with my bodiless self (that was an example of a dream sequence, in a movie, they take all those words that I just wrote and try to make it into images on the screen, it never works out. It was annoying and it sucked right? Now do you understand?)

62nd Worst Movie: Undiscovered

“Undiscovered” Starring Steven Strait, Shannyn Sossamon and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz
Directed by Meiert Avis

I Discovered Boredom
By Michele Dillon

Hey look, Shannyn Sossamon is on another movie on the Worst list…I wonder if I should find the addresses of these repeat offenders and send them a letter that they need to pick their movies a little better…not that they would listen anyway. I am pretty sure that these actors know that they are picking a bad movie but they think they are doing the movie world some kind of justice by making independent films. Independent films are great, but only when they actually have a good storyline and good actors, just making a film because it is low budget and has a no name director does not mean that this is going to be the next breakout film at Sundance.

So this movie was basically about a guy who wants to be a singer/musician (but really he is a wannabe writer which you don’t even get that until the very end of the movie) and he meets this girl who he really likes but ends up moving to LA to get “made”. But magically the girl decides she wants to be an actress so she ends up moving to LA too. So really the story is just a love story that is a wanna be rock star story which really is neither because the movie lacks any kind of interesting plot, high-quality acting or a script that follows any kind of chronological order.

I wish this movie had never been discovered that way it never would have been put on this stinking list and then I would never have had to watch it…but I think the fact that the title of the movie is called “Undiscovered” someone would have picked it up just to see if it was really worth discovering and then that person probably burned their eyeballs out and accidentally forgot that he did not want anyone else to have to suffer through the pain that he had too so he dropped the movie on the sidewalk and then someone else picks it up and it goes on and on like that until finally everyone knows that this movie is one of the worst movies in the world but it doesn’t even matter anymore because we don’t have eyeballs…

63rd Worst Movie: Ultraviolet

“Ultraviolet” Starring Milla Jovovich, Cameron Bright and Nick Chinlund
Directed by Kurt Wimmer

Ultra-boring
By Michele Dillon

This movie managed to bore me, intellectually make me dumber, make me confused and make me wish I had nice abs; all at same the time. As far as CGI goes, this is also right in line with “Catwoman”, meaning that it sucked. Lets look at this analytically, since I am the one that writes these reviews and I can do whatever I want (unless of course anyone decides to read my reviews and advises me that I need to not do whatever I want, then I would do what I want but very STRONGLY think about what I would do if I didn’t do what I want).

First off, I don’t understand, and I’m pretty sure that I am one of the smartest people on earth, so I should understand, why Jovovich’s character was able to change the color of her clothes and her hair and store weapons inside of her body. Nowhere in the movie, did it attempt to explain, except for maybe a split second, why she was able to do this.

Second, the aforementioned CGI; the whole movie looked like a cartoon. On one hand, they could have purposefully done this because they wanted to make it look futuristic but on the other hand, I don’t care about that and I think that if you are going to make a movie that is set in the future, then you need to make it look as real as possible because when time continues and the years go by, the world isn’t going to start looking like a cartoon.

Third, Jovovich has abs that make me think that I look like a fat ass.

Fourth, this movie was written and directed by the same person. His last name isn’t Winner for a reason.

Fifth, sixth and seventh, I have no other points…I just wanted you to keep reading my review until you were as bored as I was by the end of this movie.

Eighth, I forgot, there was this one scene where Jovovich went to the top of a building to escape, but there were a bunch of guys up there trying to block her, so she killed them all, and instead of actually escaping by the roof like she originally intended, she went back down the stairs, so basically she killed all those people and didn’t even need to…she is going to hell.

Ninth, OK, that is really it.

64th Worst Movie: Chill Factor

“Chill Factor” Starring Cuba Gooding Jr, Skeet Ulrich and Peter Firth
Directed by Hugh Johnson

Below Freezing
By Michele Dillon

What a surprise, yet another movie on the list that Cuba Gooding Jr. is in. So far it has been Boat Trip and this one but I still feel like he is the worst actor out of all the movies I have watched. What is with his high pitched voice? I have heard it be low and normal but it seems like in these past two movies he cannot reach a normal range.

So there were two major things that were wrong with this movie. 1.) Most of the script required the actors to see “Whoo hoo!” or “Oh Shit” and 2.) It was unbelievable (not like the song “You’re Unbelievable” where it is meant in a good way, but unbelievable as in I did not for one second believe that what was happening in the movie could happen. Usually that latter can be a good thing because it causes you to use your imagination. In this case, however, it was just plain stupid because it was like they were trying to stretch the rubber band until it was no longer stretchable (and rubber bands are stretchy!). On top of all that, as if it was not bad enough, I think the movie was supposed to be considered an action movie but usually in a good action movie you will see normal people doing extraordinary things. In this movie, you see normal people doing extraordinarily stupid things; like climbing on the side of a truck while it is moving to do absolutely nothing except get the crap kicked out of them.

I just love how I have stopped giving the premises of the movies and go straight into bashing them. Anyone who reads these are probably thinking,” I don’t even know what this movie is about but I already hate it!”. Well good! That is what I want you to think…

65th Worth Movie: Deck the Halls

“Deck the Halls” Starring Danny DeVito, Matthew Broderick and Kristin Davis
Directed by John Whitesell

Deck My Face
By Michele Dillon

That’s really what I wanted someone to do to me when I was watching this movie…just to make it end. I couldn’t believe that the movie was really about Danny DeVito being the new neighbor and his aspiration was to make his house seen from space with all the Christmas lights. Literally, that was what the movie was about. Oh, and the fact that Matthew Broderick hates DeVito for it…wow…good storyline…wake me up before I wet the bed from excitement. To make things worst, the director is a completely boring person and that is probably why he thought this movie was funny in the first place. How do I know the director is boring? Because my fiancé decided to put the commentary on after the movie ended and instead of actually commentating on the movie, the director just sat there and watched it and laughed and every ONCE in awhile interjected with a small, but very boring, fact about the making of the movie. It shouldn’t really be that shocking since Broderick and DeVito are probably the most boring actors out there and I am not even sure why they still have movie careers (they are small but still existent). All that said this is the second Christmas that has been on this list. I am pretty sure that they could come up with a full 100 Worst Movie list for just Christmas movies…don’t worry I will not do a blog on that.

66th Worst Movie: Date Movie

“Date Movie” Starring Alyson Hannigan, Sophie Monk and Eddie Griffin
Directed by Aaron Seltzer

First and Last Date
By Michele Dillon

I don’t know if any of you have seen a pattern yet, but Eddie Griffin has been in a lot of movies that are in this list…

Anyway, I will be the first to tell you that I love Alyson Hannigan. I will also be the first to tell you that I hate this movie. It’s disgusting, it has bad acting (Alyson was still funny but she was the only one), it has a bad script…it makes me almost want to vomit every time I see it. I really don’t think there is a good satire movie out there yet, I am trying to think of one, if I can then I will let you know. I can’t think of anything good to say about this movie other than it was kind of fun trying to guess what movie that they were referring too in each scene.

I think I have actually seen this movie too many times for how bad it is. I saw it in the theatre, I watch it whenever it is on TV (but only if it is someone else’s TV), and I also own the movie, but only because my fiancé’s mom got it for us for Christmas. I am not sure if she actually hasn’t seen it before and just thought we would like it or if she actually likes the movie herself. I am not sure I want to know because the movie is kind of raunchy…but anyway, that is all I have to say about this movie.

67th Worst Movie: Boat Trip

“Boat Trip” Starring Cuba Gooding Jr., Horatio Sanz and Roselyn Sanchez
Directed by Mort Nathan

Bad Trip
By Michele Dillon

I can’t believe I had to watch this movie. Two of the things I hate the most: Cuba Gooding Jr. and Cuba Gooding Jr. in drag. Who comes up with these movies? So far, I have had to watch, just to name a few, a movie about a guy in a fat suit (Norbit), TWO movies where a guy sticks his hand up a cow’s butt (Say It Isn’t So and Serving Sara), and now TWO movies about a guy dressing like a woman (Juwanna Mann and Boat Trip). Why are there so many screenwriters out there who think we want to watch these kinds of movies? It’s getting to be a little ridiculous. I knew that I was going to have to watch some BAD movies, but this is just silly! Here is my handy dandy list to tell you what I hated about this movie:

1.) The beginning
2.) The middle
3.) The end

68th Worst Movie: Lost Souls

“Lost Souls” Starring Winona Ryder, Ben Chaplin and Sarah Wynter
Directed by Janusz Kaminski

Lost & Lost
By Michele Dillon

I only say “Lost & Lost” because I am not sure what I gained from watching this movie. Other than being able to mark it off my remaining list (which does not seem to be dwindling at all, in fact, I am pretty sure that MORE movies have been added behind my back). The movie was KIND OF interesting…I say KIND OF because it got my interest but then lost it because it didn’t explain a lot of things. It was kind of like a parent trying to have the “sex” talk with you, your interest was peaked because they said “sex” but the way they explain it is absolutely not interesting at all, and they leave very important details out. The movie was about a man who is possessed at the very beginning and he keeps repeating this secret code, which Ryder cracks and then discovers this really important secret that she tries to tell someone that needs to know but only on a need to know basis…hey, I would be perfect to become a screenwriter and then make really horrible movies with that line I just used. My fiancé was thoroughly bored because you can’t get anything past him, unless of course, you don’t explain yourself. I am pretty sure that this movie was training for Ryder for when she shoplifted; she learned how to jump around the real story. Just like the movie was KIND OF interesting, I also KIND OF understood it; enough to actually weasel my way through this review anyway. How did I do? Answer: *horrible (refer to Surviving Christmas review for description).

69th Worst Movie: The New Guy

“The New Guy” Starring DJ Qualls, Eliza Dushku and Zooey Deschanel
Directed by Ed Dector

Seriously?
By Michele Dillon

I had a WAY better headline for this review but I am not going to use it for the sake of not offending people. I’m pretty sure that you could guess it. The second best headline, that I used, basically describes how much I don’t understand how this movie was made…I remember watching this before, and I must have had a really bad taste in movies back then because I do NOT remember it being as bad as it was this time around. So many things are wrong with this movie and I think the only way to describe it is with a Pro and Con list…

Cons

1.) The acting: Zooey Deschanel, why did you damage my idea of you being one of the best little independent actresses out there. I think I might forgive you since this movie was made so long ago. Eddie Griffin, how many times did you really have to do the “snake eyes”, I’m sure 1 million was not really written in the script.
2.) The script: It could have been OK story except for the fact that they made it predictable, boring and repetitive.
3.) The filming: The way the scenes were set up made the movie seem very choppy and you didn’t really understand what was real and what wasn’t until a few minutes after it occurred. Hint for if you watch the movie: nothing in the movie is supposed to be a dream sequence no matter how much it seems like it is.
4.) What’s left to pick on about the movie other than that it is just horrible…plain horrible…


Pros

1.) You probably saw this one coming, if you know me at all, if I am going to whip out the pro and con list, usually there is no pro, and that is the case this time around as well…

70th Worst Movie: The Reaping

“The Reaping” Starring Hilary Swank, David Morrissey and Idris Elba
Directed by Stephen Hopkins

I Reaped the Benefits
By Michele Dillon

I am just going to come right out and say it; this movie is going to be my second veto that I apply. The Reaping does not deserve to be on this Worst list. I watched this when it came out in the theatre, rented a few times after that and then watched and thoroughly enjoyed it for this review. I see nothing that is so wrong with this movie that it deserves to be on this list. I think that whoever voted negatively for this movie was probably a pissed off religious person who didn’t like the message of the movie. However, offensive to you or not, the movie still had a good script and was acted well. Ok, so the ending wasn’t great, and was kind of Soap Opera-y-ish BUT the rest of the movie had a lot going for it and I have seen A LOT worse. Now, I am not saying either that this is one of the best movies I have seen (Ahem, Inglorius Basterds, Ahem). I just think that if I can watch a movie numerous times, not get bored from it and still enjoy the idea then it is not a bad movie in my opinion. There really isn’t anything else to say because the movie is kind of hard to explain without giving anything away. I will just put a side bar in here with a brief description.

Side bar: it’s about the 10 plagues.

71st Worst Movie: Surviving Christmas

“Surviving Christmas” Starring Ben Affleck, Christina Applegate and James Gandolfini
Directed by Mike Mitchell

Surviving Affleck
By Michele Dillon

Ben Affleck plays three basic (very basic) types of roles in his movies; stoner guy, romantic comedy guy and one very rare occasion an actual real actor (Good Will Hunting). This movie adds a fourth type of role to his filmography and I hope it is just as rare as his acting ability cause I don’t think I ever want to see it again; crazy weirdo! He goes from being completely normal in the beginning of the movie, some macho guy who has a lot of money and wants to go to Fiji for Christmas to some crazy whacko who decides to visit his old family home and then rent the family that lives there to be his fake mom, dad and brother for the Christmas holiday. I have to admit that this storyline stank, but the actual delivery of it wasn’t *horrible (* See definition at bottom of review). I was mildly entertained throughout just because I thought it was ridiculously funny how stupid Affleck was being. I was actually really surprised that Christina Applegate let herself be seen in this movie and on top of that decided to actually portray the character from the script and recite lines from it…she must not have had a very good agent at the time. I am not really going to step all over every actor that was in the movie, just mainly Affleck because I feel after all the movies that he has made, somewhere deep down, there HAS to be a good actor (reminiscent of his Good Will Hunting character) but he is just unwilling to unleash it or he will have to deal with higher fame. Come on Affleck, if you don’t shape up soon, you might be the next Tom Cruise (someone who started out as an actor but as he got richer, he decided not to act anymore, or rarely, but he still gets all the fame and attention because he is CRAZY!). I have no more to say to you other than, I like your brother, Casey Affleck, better (Gone, Baby, Gone…amazing).

*Horrible: any type of movie role that Ben Affleck, Jason Lee or any of his Kevin Smith affiliates may play.

72nd Worst Movie: Dragonfly

“Dragonfly” Starring Kevin Costner, Susanna Thompson and Joe Morton
Directed by Tom Shadyac

Whaty What?
By Michele Dillon

Oh my goodness….this movie was really boring, up until the point where Kevin Costner actually figures out what is going on, then it kind of gets exciting, but then the it leads to an ending that didn’t really live up to it’s expectations. I was never really a big fan of Kevin Costner until I saw the movie Mr. Brooks. I actually got to see his acting ability to his fullest in that movie. Since then, I have appreciated his work but haven’t really seen him do anything as good as he did in Mr. Brooks. This story was really good but I think that they could have done so much more with the idea. Costner’s wife dies but they never find her body. She was pregnant when she died as well. Since her death, Costner keeps getting encounters with people that keep claiming that have seen her in the afterlife and she is trying to send him a message. The first hour and a half of the movie is Costner trying to decipher the message. If they had made more clues for it to actually demand that much time needed for it then it would have been fine. However, it was just the same clue over and over and over again; cross like wiggly shape…oooh exciting.

Now you may be thinking that I make everyone think that the movies on this list are horrible and that they should never watch them unless they want to waste their money and time…and you would be right, that is exactly what I am trying to do.

73rd Worst Movie: Premonition

“Premonition” Starring Sandra Bullock, Julian McMahon and Nia Long
Directed by Mennan Yapo

“Forewarning” To Confusion
By Michele Dillon

This movie wasn’t necessarily bad, it was confusing. The idea was kind of interesting but I hate when a director takes the movie in a direction that doesn’t get explained. I don’t mind being confused during the first half of the movie if it means that I am going to understand what is going on later (also known as: suspense thriller). But at the end of this movie, I was left thinking; “OK, I think I get it…no wait that makes no sense…wait, it kind of DOES make sense…agh!” I am still not sure that I have come to a definitive conclusion. The only thing that I could think of that sort of makes sense is that on Thursday when Sandra Bullock’s day starts, that is when the cycle of her premonition starts. If you think about it that way, then the rest of it makes sense but then you are still left wondering, but what did she actually DO on the days following up to Thursday? Just because the movie starts on the day of Thursday, doesn’t mean that Bullock’s character had no life before Thursday. If none of you have seen this movie, my rambling probably makes no sense, so by my definition, I am a bad movie reviewer because you are left confused as well…but I feel OK about it because I didn’t spend all this money on it and cast really good actors to play the roles so it’s not a waste for me…

74th Worst Movie: Basic Instinct 2

“Basic Instinct 2” Starring Sharon Stone, Hugh Dancy and David Thewlis
Directed by Michael Caton-Jones

My Basic Instinct: This Movie Sucked
By Michele Dillon

Question #1.) How does Sharon keep getting hired to make movies?
Question #2.) Why isn’t Sharon Stone making porn instead, since that is basically what her movies are only it can comes to the theatres instead of DVD.
Question #3.) Why did I come up with this idiotic idea to watch the worst movies in the world?…it seems like they all have my LEAST favorite actors in them or ones that I have never heard of but they annoy me just the same. (AKA Kim Basinger and Sharon Stone)

I think it is pretty clear that my stance on this movie is that I did not like it. It was a horrible plot, horrible script, horrible acting and horrible Sharon Stone. The first Basic Instinct movie wasn’t even that good, why did they feel the need to make a second one? It was not necessary and I feel really bad that the director never got his time or money back for this horrible idea.

75th Worst Movie: Out Cold

“Out Cold” Starring Jason London, Lee Majors and Zach Galifianakis
Directed by Brendan Malloy and Emmett Malloy

Outdone
By Michele Dillon

This move was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was expecting some stupid stoner movie about snowboarding much like the same comedy of Grandma’s Boy, which I know most people love that movie but I do not. It WAS a stoner movie about snowboarding BUT it was much less annoying than I expected. The storyline wasn’t too bad. These guys work on a ski mountain and they are obsessed with snow boarding. This new hot shot guy comes in and wants to buy the mountain and he slowly transforms it into everything the mountain never was and never should be. So all the previous workers try to claim the mountain back and along the way they have fun doing all sorts of weird stuff.
One of my favorite parts of the movie was when Zach Galifianakis’ character was passed out drunk and his buddies picked him up and put him in a car in the driver seat. Then they all got in the passenger seats and had people outside the car spin the vehicle around in a circle (since this movie was based in Alaska, there is always snow on the ground) to make it seem like Zach’s character had fallen asleep drunk at the wheel and they were crashing. He wakes up and starts freaking out and tries to straighten out the wheel because he really thinks it is happening. I thought it was pretty hilarious and I would have had a lot of fun trying to pull that prank on someone I know.
I don’t think I would ever voluntarily watch this movie again, however because of the very basic script and mediocre acting. I am not really one to watch these types of comedies since I think most stoner movies can only be understood by stoners themselves. I will say, however, that Grandma’s Boy was “outdone” by this movie as far as quality goes.

Out Of Order

I have been waiting for this one movie The Wash, which is the next movie in line on the Worst list. It has been on "short wait" on my online Blockbuster list for over two weeks now! They keep sending me the movies that are right after those so...forgive me, I must post a few of the reviews out of order since I am still trying to stay within my deadline, I will make sure that The Wash review is posted as soon as whoever is holding the movie that is on the Worst list in their house forever on end...
This is killing me too, cause I have watched some of the movies out of order but I don't want to post them out of order on my blog...but I must...forgive me I must...:)

77th Worst Movie: See No Evil

“See No Evil” Starring Kane, Christina Vidal and Michael J. Pagan
Directed by Gregory Dark

See No Good
By Michele Dillon

There are so many bad horror movies out there that I am pretty sure they could have created the 100 Worst Movie list solely with just this genre. Let me start out by saying first that Kane is one ugly dude. I know they probably made him look a lot uglier than he his, but I don’t think you can make someone look THAT ugly if they didn’t start off with some raw material. Ok, now straight from insulting the actors too…insulting the actors…their acting that is. I think that the movie industry has got it all wrong. A horror movie is going to have a bad script and it’s going to have a bad plot so to balance it all out, they should hire amazing actors. Now I’m obviously not saying amazing AND famous actors, otherwise they would not sign on for the role. But I’m sure you can find some nobodies out there who are just dying to release their acting chops by screaming their heads off!

The movie was about a crazy ugly dude, Kane, who runs (or I guess more appropriately, “stalks”) around killing people and then ripping their eyes out. It’s really kind of pointless and it’s not all that scary either. You are just waiting the entire movie for him to either die or just kill everyone, whichever one will make the movie end faster. Fortunately, one of those two things did happen, but just in case you actually feel like watching a movie that will bore the hell out of you, I won’t reveal which one it is.

78th Worst Movie: My Boss’s Daughter

“My Boss’s Daughter” Starring Ashton Kutcher, Tara Reid and Terrence Stamp
Directed by David Zucker

Meet the Daugther
By Michele Dillon

I saw this movie in the theatre when it came out. I think what I am going to tell you is enough review in itself to know how horrible of a movie this is. I NEVER laughed ONCE throughout the entire movie when I saw it. It’s supposed to be a comedy and I never even stifled a giggle. So I’m sure you can feel what my dismay was when I realized I had to endure this movie another time.

I thought it then and I think it now, the movie is a LAME rip-off of Meet the Parents. Where the guy is trying to impress the girl’s father but everything he does and says goes horribly wrong. I don’t think anyone could have made a more horrible movie more than Zucker who is the director of most of the "Scary Movies" Franchise. Just thinking about how much this movie is a lot like Parents and the fact that Zucker likes to make spoofs, it makes me think of whether or not he was actually TRYING to spoof Parents. If that’s the case….the movie STILL isn’t funny.

The End

P.S. If you are counting down with me, I am sure you have noticed how many movies I have left to watch as opposed to days I have left....I am going to have to devote the next 73 days of my life to this blog it looks like!

79th Worst Movie: Venom

"Venom" Starring Agnus Bruckner, Jonathan Jackson and Laura Ramsey
Directed by Jim Gillespie

Denim By
Michele Dillon

Things I Am Scared Of That May Be In A Scary Movie (but not limited to this list):
1.) Any kind of insect that is doing something it shouldn't (example: being larger than normal, walking faster than normal, biting people's heads off...)
2.) Talking dolls (this may also have something to do with the fact that I do not like objects doing things they shouldnt)
3.) Clowns (they are just plain scary and they have creepy smiles)
4.) Spiders in general (big, small, medium)
5.) People that wear masks (or any kind of thing that covers what their face really looks like)
6. Chainsaws (you would think at this point in time we could invent a chainsaw that does not make that huge loud creepy sound!)

Ok...I think you get the point. I'm a wimp. However, I was able to watch this movie and not get scared at all. In fact, I was so NOT scared that I titled this review "Denim" since that is exactly what I was thinking about during this movie (also, it rhymed with Venom, whether that is just coincedental, that is up to you to decide). The movie was about evil spirited possessed snakes (ok, so I wasn't really thinking about denim, it just rhymed, ok!). Evil spirits have the possibility of being scary, possession has proven to be scary in The Exorcism of Emily Rose, but snakes? Whats creepy about snakes? So they slither on the ground and they can eat things that are 4 times bigger than their own heads, but other than those two VERY minor things, they are not scary at all! If you see a snake you have a very good chance of running away since they really are not that fast. Ok, so it might end up being poisonous but you can just suck the venom right out! It's easy!

So I don't know what this director/screenwriter was thinking...the basic rules of movie making are a.) if its not a good script, then make a scary movie out of it and b.) if its not a good script and it can't be made into a scary movie, then DON'T MAKE THE MOVIE.

80th Worst Movie: Man of the House

"Man of the House" Starring Tommy Lee Jones, Cedric The Entertainer and Christina Millian
Directed by Stephen Herek

Cheerleading Bonanza
By Michele Dillon

There are many things I didn't like about this movie. One of them being that there are cheerleaders in it. And they aren't even that cute. So that leaves that they are just bubbly and annoying. Another one of them being that this movie was supposed to be about how the cheerleaders had witnessed a murder so Tommy Lee Jones had to protect them from being killed. The reason why that bothers me is 1.) the cheerleaders don't remember anything and 2.) they covered the part where Jones protects the cheerleaders but they don't ever cover the part where the police department is activily trying to find the killer in the first place so the killer doesn't even get brought up again until the ending when everything goes awry. So basically this movie was just relying on Jones' acting and the cheerleaders being hot. None of which did it really have going for it.

Other than those major things, the actul flow of the movie was not bad and I didn't really start to get bored until the very end. I do, however, think that it belongs on the Worst list.

81st Worst Movie: Underclassman

"Underclassman" Starring Nick Cannon, Cheech Marin and Roselyn Sanchez
Directed by Marcos Siega

"Blunder"classman
By Michele Dillon

So my beef with this movie does not have so much to do with how horrible it is and whether or not it should be on the Worst list but more with my hatred for Nick Cannon and all that is his non acting abilities. I really think he should stick to hosting Americas Got Talent because he certainly does not have it. The movie itself was not all bad. I just had a sense of "deja vu" watching it because it was just another one of those cop movies where there is a clumsy cop who doesn't follow the rules but is apparantly smart enough to have made it on the team, but then he messes up bad enough to get kicked off the team, but of course he is going to still investigate his case because being kicked off doesn't stop him from doing anything he wants to do, then he saves the day and gets put back on the team...I feel like I JUST watched a movie like this....oh yeah! Taxi! That is pretty coincedental that they are both on the Worst list...or is it??
Some of you may be wondering, am I getting sick of watching all these horrible movies just so I can entertain your mind by reading my hilarious antics and clever titles, and the answer is yes...yes I am...but I push through. I keep going, and you want to know why? Because I know how bad my four followers love to log on to their computers every day and recieve a notice that there is a brand new blog to read by the amazing Michele Dillon and that might just have brightened their entire day...oh yes, I do this for you, four followers, for you!

82nd Worst Movie: The Skulls

"The Skulls" Starring Joshua Jackson, Paul Walker and Leslie Bibb
Directed by Rob Cohen

"Secret Society Mayhem"
By Michele Dillon

I actually used to watch this movie all the time when I was younger and I really liked it. So
personally, I have no clue why this movie is on the list. Its not the best movie ever made, but it's
detinitely not the Worst either. The movie is about where a college student wants to join a secret
society because he believes that is the only way he will be able to pay for law school. However, he gets into a falling out with his friend because his friend doesn't believe in secret socities. The friend decides to do an expose on the The Skulls, which is the name of the society, and ends up being found hung in his bedroom and it looks like a suicide. The wannabe lawyer then decides he needs to find out what really happened and what he finds out rocks his world.

Anyway, after getting over the initial giggle fest I just had after using the phrase "rocks his world", I think the idea of the movie is good, the script is ok, the acting is not bad, it may have been a little cheesy but I was able to handle it. All in all, I thought for the type of movie it was, it was watchable and I don't think it constituted a place on this list. Therefore I am entering in my FIRST and ONLY (so far) VETO of this movie being on the list. Veto meaning, I absolutely do not agree it should be on the 100 Worst Movies List. So there.

83rd Worst Movie: A Sound of Thunder

"A Sound of Thunder" Starring Edward Burns, Ben Kingsley and John Wallenbeck
Directed by Peter Hyams

"A Sound of a.....Bad Movie"
By Michele Dillon

Aww man...I can't believe I wasted my "blunder" title on "Underclassman" when I could have used it for this movie....but anyway, I'm completely over it.
The second I turned this movie on I knew it was going to be a movie well worth being on the Worst list. It is supposed to be set in the future but instead of just trying to make current things seem futuristic, the entire movie seems like it is CGI'd. There are numerous scenes where the actors are walking on the sidewalk and it shows the cars driving by that are supposed to be inventions from the future, but they have such a cartoonish vibe to them and it doesnt look real at all. You can totally tell that the actors are working in front of green screens. As if that wasn't enough to make the movie completely not deserving of my respect, the storyline was horrible too. It was about where a scientist had invented a time traveling machine and has used it to make money by having rich people sign up to travel back in time to the dinosaur land and have the adventure of killing a real live dinosaur. However, they can't change anything in order to make sure the future doesn't change so they make sure that they keep killing the same dinosaur over and over again each time and they only can kill it once it is clear it was already going to die anyway. During one of the trips, something goes wrong but they believe that they have everything under control once they leave. However, things start changing in the real world after the trip. Vegetation starts growing everywhere and weird animals start errupting because evolution somewhow got changed. Pretty soon, according to the scientist that invented the machine, she believes humans will eventually change into a completely different mutation as well unless they find a way to go back to the original trip where something went wrong and fix it before it happens so everything goes back to normal.
The only glitch in this dumb idea of a movie is the basic knowledge of how time travel works. In time traveling, if you go back to a time where something already occurrs and for example, talk to someone there, then that means that the person that was talked too is going to remember that in the present. So the idea in this movie where one of the characters manages to go back to where everything went wrong and fix what happened, doesn't make sense because he talks to one of the scientists on the trip, yet the first time around this never happened. Its just not possible and it doesn't make sense therefore it is stupid....I know they way I explained it probably makes no sense either but explaining time travel is hard so forgive me.

84th Worst Movie: Stealing Harvard

"Stealing Harvard" Starring Tom Green, Jason Lee and Leslie Mann
Directed by Bruce McCulloch

Should Have Gone To Yale
By Michele Dillon

Ok, so this is another one of the movies on the list that isn't as HORRIBLE as I thought it would be. The premise of the movie is that John (Jason Lee) has been saving for a downpayment on a house with his fiance Elaine (Leslie Mann) who had told him that they can't get married until they have $30,000 for the downpayment. Then he finds out that his one and only neice, who he has been playing father figure for since she was born, got accepted to Harvard and a long while ago when she was 7, he had promised her if she ever got accepted to college that he would pay for it. Of course the exact amount she needs after all her scholarships and financial aid is close to $30,000. So instead of telling his fiance that he needs $30,000 for a promise he made to his neice, he decides to get the help of his friend Duff (Tom Green) to plot and plan how to "steal" the money from other sources. Of course, all of their ideas never work out so it ends up getting them more and more in trouble and leads to disaster.

The only thing that really irked me about this movie was that Lee and Green went to such drastic measures to try and get $30,000 that it was really unbelievable, and not unbelievable in a funny way. When something is so entirely unrealistic like that, its hard to dissassociate it from whether it was all done on purpose to seem that stupid or if the movie really is just stupid. There were a couple funny parts throughout the movie but overall I am a really big Non-Fan of Tom Green AND Jason Lee and Leslie Mann was the only one that saved the movie for me.

85th Worst Movie: Kangaroo Jack

"Kangaroo Jack" Starring Jerry O'Connell, Anthony Anderson and Estella Warren
Directed by David McNally

"Aus"um (You know like "Aus"trailia)
By Michele Dillon

Ok, so this movie was not exactly awesome but compared to all the other movies that I have had to sit through, this one was grade A. I thought it was going to be very childish but really the only thing that was child oriented about it was the CGI'd kangaroo. Everything else, such as the storyline and the script was very adult. I don't think I would have let my child watch this movie. Mostly the scene in the airport bathroom with the numerous inuendos of talking about something referred to as a "brown package" when they are really talking about a manilla envelope with $50,000 dollars in it.

This movie does make me wonder though, how come Jerry O'Connell hasn't done a good acting job since Stand By Me?

Anyway, back to the actual movie at hand. The storyline was kind of creative in a "the screenwriter must be high" kind of way and the acting wasn't that horrible in a "there must have not been anyone else who would do this" kind of way. I was actually expecting the kangaroo to talk throughout the movie but that only happened when the credits were rolling. All in all, I have seen WAY worse movies than this that I would gladly put on this list in its place.

My Comments!

Ok, so I have a total of 2 followers...but who is counting.
I've got a total of 4 comments, 2 of which are from myself and 2 of which are from my mother...but who is counting....

Because of the above stated facts, I am going to get rid of my guest booker because it is not very efficient. It doesn't post the most recent comments, even though I have set it up to do it that way, and it makes you read the comments one by one instead of letting you scroll through them all and who knows, if one day I have a million comments, that could get very inconvenient. But who knows if my mom even has that much time on her hands anyway...

Don't let the fact that I don't have a guest book deter you from leaving a comment though! Instead- become my follower! Then you can leave a comment on any blog that you want! How exciting! Here is how to become my follower:

1.) Click on this link: https://www.google.com/accounts/NewAccount

2.) Type in your email address, create a password, and accept the terms and conditions to create an account.

3.) Sign in to www.blogger.com and visit my blog: www.worstoftheworstmovies.blogspot.com.

4.) On the very top of the screen there is an option that says: Follow Blog. Click on that and VOILA! You are my official blog follower!

If you already have a google account, then you can use the same user name and password to log in to blogger.com.

Just so you guys can remember what past readers (AKA: my mom) wrote before about my blog writing abilities I have posted them below for your viewing pleasure:

Comment from Deborah: "Interesting statement you made about Katie's cheezy look. You're right about unsalvagible story lines. How about the movies the directors turn into bad story lines from decent books- well that's just wrong. I like reading blogs like yours, which show strong voice and wit. "

Comment from Deborah: "Goodness I love your sense of humor on these musings. Not a bad poem, either. Not sure this message will take."

86th Worst Movie: Gods and Generals

"Gods and Generals" Starring Jeff Daniels, Robert Duvall, and Stephen Lang
Directed by Ronald F. Maxwell

Boring and Boring
By Michele Dillon

I can't even review this movie. This is why...

I put it in and started watching: what a concept. The movie didn't make sense at all. It seemed like it just started out of nowhere and they were already in the middle of the war. You couldn't tell who the characters were either. Then I realized about halfway through...the dvd was one of those rare dvd's that has 2 sides and the first part of the movie was on the flipside of the disc...how stupid am I?

But I didn't have the guts to turn the movie over and watch the beginning because I was so bored from the ending! I'm sorry if I am letting my total of 3 followers (my mom doesn't know how to sign up for an account (or she doesn't want too) to be my REAL follower but she still reads it) down by not watching this movie in its entirety but I think that you should forgive me immediately...like now.

87th Worst Movie: Darkness Falls

"Darkness Falls" Starring Chaney Kley, Emma Caulfield, and Lee Cormie
Directed by Jonathan Liebesman

Darkness "Fails"
By Michele Dillon

Any movie that has to do with the tooth fairy has to be good, right? I wish I could have put this movie under my pillow and gotten my money back for it. OK, so it was on my online movie list so it was virutally free, and OK I am watching bad movies for the purpose of this blog, but who am I not to make fun of a bad movie if I have the chance?

The premise of the movie is basically a tooth fairy gone bad. An old woman's house caught fire and her face gets burnt so bad she has to walk around with a porcelain mask everywhere she goes. Two children went missing and she somehow got blamed, probably cause she wore a creepy porecelain mask. So the town decided to sentence her to death by hanging. Lo and behold, the two missing children came back the next day unharmed. But now, it is too late, she is coming back and haunting/killing/looking creepy in her porcelain mask on the night that a child loses their last tooth. In order to escape her wrath, you have to stay in the light; which is the case of the main character Kyle, who has been staying in the light for 17 years...can we say 'fraidy cat?

Now, I am not sure how the story of how the women died corresponds to her being afraid of light. Does the light remind her of the fire she burned in? If so, that has nothing to do with her being hung to death for a crime she did not committ...it was her own stupid fault that she got burnt in a fire and ended up with a fugly face...
Also, why does she target children when it was the adults that sentenced her to die? Old creepy lady, you don't make any sense! This was probably one of the most poorly developed horror movies I have ever watched. I could have played a drinking game to how many times anyone said "stay in the light" or "don't go in the dark" or "stop looking at me with your creepy porcelain face". Ok, so I made up that last one.

Anyway, what else can I say? This movie outdid itself in the art of sucking.

88th Worst Movie: White Noise

"White Noise" Starring Michael Keaton, Chandra West, and Deborah Kara Unger
Directed by Geoffrey Sax

Static-y
By Michele Dillon

So I actually went into this movie knowing nothing about it. I can't say I was pleasantly surprised, nor can I say that it was the "Worst" movie I've ever seen. The premise of this movie is that Michael Keaton's wife goes missing. A man approaches him and advises him that he has been recieving messages from her through EVP, which is Electronic Voice Phenomena. This is where you can hear voices of the dead in the white noise of radio and see faces from white noise on the TV. Not but one day later, his wife is found dead. Keaton then becomes obsessed with trying to hear his wife through EVP himself because he is convinced she is trying to communicate an important message to him. He soon realizes that you don't only hear the good people that died, you can also hear the bad. From then on, he tries to uncover the mystery of whether the bad people are really just voices or if they are having an affect on the real word.This is another case of the idea being really good but the movie not taking it as far as it can go. First off, they don't really go into great detail on explanations of why certain things occur so you are left trying to fill in the gaps yourself with your amazing knowledge of the subject of EVP. Which, unless I am the only one who first heard of EVP in this movie, then this can leave you very confused. Secondly, it is quite boring having to watch Keaton sit in front of a TV staring at the white noise OR sit in his car listening to white noise; watching...waiting...listening...waiting. They wasted too much time having the white noise be completely nothing. I think they were trying to create suspense so it would make us jump out of our seat once something actually happened...good thought, but the viewers might fall asleep first.Other than those two things, the rest of the movie was OK. I was kind of intrigued to see where they were taking it but overall I would give it a D+.

89th Worst Movie: Elektra

"Elektra" Starring Jennifer Garner, Goran Visnjic and Kristen Prout
Directed by Rob Bowman

"Elektra"cuted
By Michele Dillon

I just can't get over how amazing my review titles are. They just keep getting cleverer and cleverer. Is cleverer a word? Anyway, I actually have seen this movie numerous times and I fail to see what is so deathly wrong with it. Sure, the script is cheesy if not barfarific (I'm pretty sure THAT is a word). And sure the acting is probably the worst I have ever seen Jennifer Garner do. Sure, it is really weird to see a crow fly out of someone's chest tattoo, but that means nothing! This movie is awesome! Ok, maybe not awesome...probably the only thing that is awesome actually is Garner's abs, but still. It has a lot going for it. Lets list them:

1.) Jennifer Garner
2.) Jennifer Garner's Abs
3.) Jennifer Garner in skimpy clothing (because even a girl can appreciate it)
4.) Jennifer Garner kicking butt and last and probably the most important thing
5.) Jennifer Garner
So now that I have summed this up for you, it is VERY clear that this movie should not be anywhere on this Worst Movie list and it is just propestperous (spell check) to say otherwise. In fact, it should be on the Top 100 Best Movies...yeah I said it.

(Side note: for those of you who do not know me that well and can not recognize my humor, the above review was basically all sarcasm.)

Stay Tuned...

The next two blogs I will be writing are for the movies: Elektra and White Noise. They should be posted within the next couple of days. Until then, lets enjoy an Ode, everybody loves an Ode:

Ode to the Worst Movies

Oh, movie directors, all the wonder you create.
If not for you, this blog would not be my fate.
Oh wonderful actors, all the classes you could take.
But if you did, how many good movies could you make?

These past 10 movies have been a dread.
After 100, I just might be dead.
Some were good, some were OK.
Some bad enough the directors should pay.

Oh Worst Movies, how you make me feel
Like a brand new woman, reel after reel

By Michele Dillon

90th Worst Movie: The Number 23

"The Number 23" Starring Jim Carrey, Virginia Madsen and Rhona Mitra
Directed by Joel Schumacher

2+3=5, 3-2=1, 5+1=6!!
By Michele Dillon

You may not have gotten my humor in the title. But basically I was playing the same number game they play in the movie and I was taking the numbers 2 and 3 to make 6 to make it seem like the movie is the devil...you know a joke is good if you have to explain it.
So, the premise of this movie is that Virginia Madsen, who plays Jim Carrey's wife, finds a book called The Number 23 and finds it interesting so she gives it to her husband to read. He starts to get obsessed with the book because it seems really similiar to his own life and he starts seeing the number 23 everywhere he goes. He thinks that the number is a curse and its going to haunt him forever.
The movie had a good idea and a good starting point, but it wasn't taken anywhere; at least not anywhere exciting. It seems like the director was just trying to be artistic and the storyline got lost in the process. After awhile, hearing about all the ways that you could turn anything into the numbers 23 got a little old and it seemed that is the only thing the movie was going to focus on until it gets to the last 30 minutes of the movie. Of course there was a twist, which I wont mention for those of you who still want to watch the movie after my review, but even the twist was lacking. I turned off the movie feeling disappointed because I felt it had all this potential that didn't get used because it was relying on the actual idea of the plot, instead of developing the idea.

91st Worst Movie: Urban Legends: Final Cut

"Urban Legends: Final Cut" Starring Jennifer Morrison, Matthew Davis and Eva Mendes
Directed by: John Ottman

Urban Legends' Final Dud
By Michele Dillon

I could have guessed this one was going to bad just because it fits into the stereotypical horror flick that tries to have a new and interesting plot. The fact of the matter is, you're not a horror movie if you have a new and interesting plot, thats called a 'suspense thriller'. However, I will give this movie one props; I was trying to figure out who the killer was throughout the movie and I thought it was quite obvious but it ended up being someone else. I hate when I get duped by a bad movie...
Anyway, the plot, if you want to call it that, is about a group of film students who are trying to direct the best film by the end of the year in order to win an award. One of the students, Jennifer Morrison, comes up with the idea to make a film about a serial killer who kills based off of Urban Legends. Little did she know, her idea would be turned into reality.
Ok, so I can't bash on the acting because the casting director of a horror movie is not looking for chops, they're looking for cha chas. So next in line is the script...wheras I just mentioned above, I can't bash on that either or otherwise it couldn't be a horror movie. So what does that leave me? Whether or not I was scared. This is a pretty easy thing to do. I am a pretty big wimp. However, this movie was not scary whatsoever. Anytime anything scary was meant to happen, it was really predictable how it was going to end. Not only that, but there were 2 or more scenes where the killer tries to kill off the main character but she ends up escaping. How likley is that when the killer has just managed to kill about 10 other people? One of my biggest pet peeves is when the movie makes out the killer to be this really smart pshyco who leaves you no mercy and gives you no chance to escape, but when it comes time to kill the main character, he all of the sudden becomes slow and clumsy and not only does the table fake out (you know, where the killer is on one end of the table, the victim on the other, and then they do this sort of dance in each direction, "oh no, where do I go" thing) but he ends up spilling the beans on how he accomplished all the killings and the reasoning behind it and takes FOREVER killing the main character. Come on, get it over with or get caught.
So thats my two cents on this fine movie. I think you can guess if it is still on the Worst list in my consideration.

92nd Worst Movie: First Daughter

"First Daugther" Starring Katie Holmes, Michael Keaton and Marc Blucas
Directed by Forest Whitaker

Second Slaughter
By Michele Dillon

The first slaughter would be Katie Holmes starring in Dawson's Creek. This movie is the second
slaughter. The third slaughter is Holmes marrying Tom Cruise and throwing away her movie career for a nut job. Sorry to be so harsh Katie, but you did. You haven't done anything decent since you married Tom and you know its because he is a psycho. Ok, but now to the movie itself. I was actually really surprised when I found out Forest Whitaker directed this movie because out of the movies I have seen him act in, I never would have guessed this would be the kind of movie he would direct. The premise of the story being that Holmes is the daughter of the President who is up for re-election. She is going off to college and just wants to have a normal college life but she can't because she always has secret service men following her wherever she goes to make sure she is safe. If the plot wasn't lacking, everything else was. It was a cheesball of a movie. There really is no other better word to use to describe it. The acting wasn't horrible and it didn't have bad actors in it. Michael Keaton is always a fan favorite. It was just one of those movies that yet again was effected by the script. When you don't have the right words and a good storyline, no matter who you put in the movie, it cannot be saved. That is basically the only thing this movie had going against it. That and that fact that Holmes kept making that face where she looks to the left, then the right, then smiles at her surroundings...look for
it, it's in almost everything. Not really one of those movies that I would die if I had to watch again but I was super excited once it ended so I could get on with my life (or you know, watching more horrible movies).

93rd Worst Movie: Juwanna Mann

"Juwanna Mann" Starring Miguel A. Nunez, Vivica A. Fox and Kevin Pollack

Directed by Jesse Vaughan

Juwanna Bland

By Michele Dillon

The idea of this movie is something we have all seen or at least heard of before. It first started with Shakespeare and his story Twelfth Night and since has been integrated into movies such as this and She's the Man (a more direct version of the story). The premise is that Jamal Jeffries cannot play in the men's league of basketball for his crude behaivor and stuck up attitude so he gets the idea to dress up as a woman and play for the woman's league. During his time as a "woman" he discovers himself and realizes that he has had a super ego that he doesn't need to have. He starts to have a better career as a woman then he ever did as a man, but of course he gets discovered and the plot goes from there. The story itself wasn't such a bad idea, I myself am a fan of She's the Man even though I do get made fun of for it (ahem-by my sister-ahem). It was the acting that affected me in this movie. I dont believe I have ever seen Miguel Nunez in anything before this and I am so glad that I haven't. His high pitched voice reminded me of Chris Rock but not as funny and not as endearing. Usually when I watch a movie that shows how a person with a huge ego can turn around and become a better person I like the feel good touch it has. In this movie, however, it didn't touch me at all. I was mostly annoyed by Nunez's characters Jamal and Juwanna because they were both obnoxious and it seemed that it only took him one day to learn his lesson wheras if he truly had that big of an ego it would probably take him 1 year, if not more. The whole movie just dragged on and on as if it was never going to end and even though it wasn't the worst one I have watched out of all of these movies so far, it barely left me with any thoughts on it. I finished watching it with absolutely nothing interesting I wanted to say on it because it gave me no really bad emotion and no really good emotion. I sucked it up for the honor of this blog of course and found something to say, which ended up being negative so I guess that is what I thought of this movie.

94th Worst Movie: I Dreamed of Africa

"I Dreamed of Africa" Starring Kim Bassinger and Daniel Craig
Directed by Hugh Hudson

I Nightmared of Bassinger
By Michele Dillon

Based on a true story, the movie is about a woman and her child along with her new husband living down in Africa and running a Ranch where they have to look out for poachers on their land. I love Africa. I love it's culture, it's animals, it's dancing, and most of the time I like the movies about it as well. In this case however, Africa was basically the background and this women's story, sad as it was, played the main part and was lacking of any adventure or excitement that you might associate with Africa.
I think it all boils down to two things. The script and the acting. I think it is clear that I have a general dislike for Kim Bassinger from my previous blog. I will try not to cloud my judgement with that bias when I talk about how horrible the acting was in this movie. But first the script: basically 2 minutes into the movie we are supposed to believe that Bassinger is in love with this man that she got into a car accident with. It is supposed to be showing a span of a few months but it is so choppy, that trying to believe that this man, who lost his girlfriend/wife in the accident, falls in love so fast with Bassinger almost makes you sick because you feel like he didn't have any time to grieve. The lines are written with no feeling and leaves you confused as to how it went from one scene to another scene, almost like they missed something along the way. But then there were also times where stuff occurred that seemed like it was supposed to be important to the story but it was never mentioned again and never explained. Such as the symbolical egg that contains a message inside of it. Bassinger's husband puts a message inside a giant egg and advises her she has to crack the egg in order to see it. He also says that she will know when the right time will be to open it. From the time it is introduced there are numerous scenes where it shows the egg and it still has not been opened but by the end of the movie, they never reveal if it was opened and if so, what the message was. So why even put it in the movie at all?
Now for the acting; Bassinger delievers her lines with absolutely no feeling. Sure she cries and puts a fake anguished look on her face but I feel absolutely no emotion from anything she ever says. Its like she is a dummy saying the lines her master is giving her. As for everyone else, there wasn't any one reconizable in the film other than Daniel Craig who didn't play a big enough of a part to award any criticism. The kid who plays her son, Liam Aiken, I reconized as being the son in the movie Stepmom. You can't really criticize a child's acting but I will for the lack of not having anyone else to pick on but Bassinger. He was quite annoying actually for being such a cute kid. He was repetitive and even though this is what was given to him, he kept calling his mother "pep" which we, again, get no explanation as to the meaning of this. I could only assume it was another way of saying mom. I can see why this movie was on the list but it also wasn't as bad as the other movies I have watched so far even though I hate Bassinger. However, I wouldn't reccomend to watch it either.

Stay Tuned For: I Dreamed of Africa

Starring Kim Bassinger and Daniel Craig

Can I review this movie without watching it?.....Please?

Let's make a list of the movies that Kim Bassinger has been in and see if they were any good, just for an idea:

Batman: Yes it was good but that is only because Batman himself is a badass, and obviously she didn't bring much to the film since they didn't want her in the second one.

8 Mile: Uh....I'm going to have to say no...do I need to explain?

Cellular: Soundtrack=Good, Movie=What is that word again? It means the opposite of good...ryhmes with sad, mad...man, why can't I think of it...oh yeah, bad

The Sentinel: Even Keifer Sutherland let me down in this one...

While She Was Out: You may have not even heard of this one, that is because it came straight to DVD. You may ask me why I watched it when I obviously don't like Kim Bassinger. The answer is: I don't value my life as much as I thought I did

Actual review of this movie will be up by Thursday at latest, my obituary will be in the newspaper on Friday at earliest...

95th Worst Movie: Taxi

"Taxi" Starring Jimmy Fallon, Queen Latifah and Jennifer Esposito
Directed by Tim Story

I'd Rather Take the Bus
By Michele Dillon

I believe I saw this one in the theatres when it first came out. I remember that I really liked it then because I was a huge Jimmy Fallon fan. Watching it this time around, I didn't absolutley hate it. But I also didn't have my love for Jimmy clouding my judgement. So the verdict this time around is, I loved the car racing scenes, I didn't love the script or the acting. On SNL, Fallon had a gift for making people laugh, it was his out of place humor and the fact that he cracked up during almost every skit that made him loveable. On film, he didnt hold that same stature. Probably because this skit lasted for about and hour and a half. He had a few good lines but for the most part, the story just wasn't funny enough to fit his personality. Queen Latifiah gets better with age. I did not like and still do not like any of the roles she played when she was younger, including this one. She was just way too overzealous with her character and just didn't hit my funny spot even though I knew she was trying. This was definitely the best one I saw out of the everything so far but only by a few marks.

96th Worst Movie: Say It Isn't So

"Say It Isn't So" Starring Heather Graham, Chris Klein and Sally Fields
Directed by J.B. Rogers

"It Isn't So"
By Michele Dillon

Why? Why did I come up with this horrid idea? I thought I watched a lot of bad movies, but there is all these movies out there that I didn't even know about! I may be jumping the gun here by saying this movie should be the #1 Worst Movie, but I will do it, in fact, I already have, I have jumped. There was not ONE thing I liked about this movie. Chris Klein's voice is probably one of the most annoying ones out there and yet this movie has him doing voice over. On top of that, they made him the main character when he can't even be very good at a supporting role and Graham is supposed to be the most beautiful girl anyone has ever seen, which is equivalent to us having to believe that Nikki Reed is supposed to be the most beautiful person in the world (for those of you Twlight readers/movie goers, you know what I am talking about). The premise of the story is that they fall in love and are about to get married but then Klein finds out that she is his sister. So she moves away and doesn't want to see him again. Only around 18 months later does he find out that she actually ISN'T his sister so then he treks all the way from Indiana to Oregon to try and find her again to convince her that he is not her brother and they can get married. If the actual storyline isn't sick enough for you, the part where Klein gets his hand stuck in a cow's rear end will be or the part where he takes pubic hair from a garbage can and uses it to fashion a beard so he can disguise himself will. Not even good old Sally Fields could overshadow anyone in this film. I just can't fathom being an actor, having picked up this script, read it, and thought it to be good enough to try out for. But yet again, Chris Klein and Heather Graham really don't have any other options do they?

Inglorius Basterds: On My BEST Movie List

Ok, so this is not one of the Worst of the Worst movies on the list. Actually, its FAR from it. I have been patiently waiting for my next Worst movie to come in the mail from the oh so ever fast online Blockbuster (sarcastic tone). So, to occupy my time, I must watch good movies to outweigh the bad. This movie outweighed all four of the past Worst movies I watched! And that is saying a lot!

I am not a huge fan of Quentin Tarantino. It always seems like he sticks to the same stuff and doesn't really go outside the box of "Samurai Sword Slashers". I had a Kill Bill phaze back in high school with my friend Stephanie where we were absolutley obsessed. So naturally we thought the rest of his movies would be good. I'm probably one of the few people who will say it aloud, Pulp Fiction sucks! Reservoir Dogs sucks! Sorry to have go to such drastic measures...

In my mind, Tarantino hasn't made any other movies than Inglorius Basterds. That way, it's OK for me to say that he is one of the best directors out there. This movie combined everything that is good about a movie into one: action, supberb acting, amazing script, witty out of place comedy, gore (but not TOO much that you puke), and a lead up to an ending that leaves a very satisfying taste in your mouth. On top of all that, you end up loving the villian, not because you side with him, but because he makes you hate him so much that revenge is sweet. Not to say that you can't see Tarantino's style. There is still the shocking scenes and the bloody mess but it's done in such a way that doesn't make you say "Cheesy!". This movie has a smorgasbord of languages in it as well: English, French and German. You have to read some subtitles but that only makes it seem more authentic.

To put it in a simple form of description, when I left the theatre all I could say was "Bad Ass!"

97th Worst Movie: Slackers

"Slackers" Starring Devon Sawa, Jason Segel and James King
Directed By Dewey Nicks

Slackers or Whackos?
By Michele Dillon

This was another one of the movies that I had already seen. I had watched it a few years back and I didn’t really think much of it then about whether it was good or bad. However, I didn’t put it on my list of favorites either. Now that I watched it again and was actually paying attention enough to critique the film, I can officially say, this is the 4th movie I have watched on the list, and I have not disagreed with it yet. I have watched my fair share of horrible movies in my life; it feels kind of weird watching so many in a row. I’m sure that by the end of this blog, I won’t dare watch another bad movie again…for at least 2 months. So let me get started on why this movie, for lack of a better word, sucked. For one, I am really sick of actresses like James King that put a bad name out there for other ladies who are trying to make their name in this business by actually using their acting chops. King, along with other young actresses such as Scarlett Johannsen, uses her sex appeal and tries to pass it off as a good performance. Yeah, it may be good to any man watching the movie, but for us women who don’t get blinded by her “amazing beauty” are stuck watching her acting instead, which is definitely lacking. On the other hand, as far as actors go, this movie has someone in it that I admire and respect for his talent; Jason Segel. This movie was made WAY before that respect grew however and everyone has a bad stage in their game and therefore, I forgive you Jason. So as for the plot, Slackers is about three guys who are in college who have made their way so far by concocting outrageous plans to cheat on their exams. This is working out for them quite well until a crazy psycho who is in love with a girl that one of them decided to talk too, blackmails them into trying to get her to like him or he will turn them in for cheating. Great storyline right? Wrong. These three guys are supposed to be smart enough to hack into the college computer systems, steal answers for tests and have gotten away with it for 4 years. We are supposed to believe, that in instead of using their superior knowledge to try and get the proof that the crazy psycho has to incriminate them, they are just going to go along with his whacko plan to swoon the girl for him. As if watching Jason Schwartzman portraying someone who is loony enough to be a serial killer isn’t enough to make the movie bizarre, it’s the random integrated scenes of dream sequences that have nothing to do with the movie’s plot whatsoever and are not entertaining which makes them a completely pointless addition to the film. I vow to never make another bad comment toward Halley Berry again if it means I don’t have to watch this overzealous, fanatical joke of a movie once more.

98th Worst Movie: Norbit

"Norbit" Starring Eddie Murphy, Thandie Newton, and Eddie Griffin
Directed by Brian Robbins

“Norbit”uary
By Michele Dillon

I was in my right mind to fear watching this movie. I already was expecting it to be terrible and instead it was dreadful! Right now, the only good movie that I can remember Eddie Murphy being in is the Shrek series and he was playing an animated donkey. He needs to stop being an “ass” and start learning how to act again because pretty soon people are going to get tired of his one man show. I know I already am.
I think the only way to describe how awful this movie was, is to make a pros and cons list. I will start with the cons.

Cons
1.) Eddie Murphy in a fat suit portraying an evil, ugly woman who’s only dialogue is with herself and she seems to be in a competition to see how many times she can say “How YOU doin’?”. She almost won, if she had said it one more time, I would have slit my throat, or Eddie Murphy’s, whichever one would have been quickest.
2.) Cuba Gooding Jr. deciding to add yet another movie to his list of “how to persuade America I don’t deserve to make movies anymore, yet alone have been respected for my role in Radio”.
3.) Yet another storyline of boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, trouble ensues and boy gets blamed for something he did not do, boy proves himself right, boy gets girl. Did I give anything away?
4.) Fat humor…it’s not funny anymore. Wait…it was never funny.

Pros
1.) ????????

148 Days To Go, No Additional Movies Watched

The next one on my list is Norbit....I am not looking forward to it. Yesterday, instead of being a lame person without a life and watching it so I don't have to worry about trying to make my deadline when it gets down to the last straw, I decided to go to an Indians baseball game with my boyfriend and his family. The tickets were free and I didnt watch one second of the game. They ended up winning but I didn't even care because I was perfectly happy drinking beer and talking with my boyfriend instead of letting him watch the game. Baseball is probably the worst sport ever. I can't wait for the hockey season to start. GO CHIEFS GO!

99th Worst Movie: A Man Apart

"A Man Apart" Starring Vin Diesel, Larenz Tate and Timothy Olyphant
Directed by F. Gary Gray

A Man At Heart
By Michele Dillon

Vin Diesel: manly, muscular, dreamy...at least that is the perception of him by most easily distracted teenage girls. My perception of him is more like, I would like to get my hands on the person who handed him a script and then told him he could act, and then give that person a big giant noogie! I would be one of those people, and there aren't too many of them, who even though I see a preview of a movie and can tell it won't be good, I still want to give it a shot. Hence, it has always been my plan to watch A Man Apart at some point but I actually never got
around to it until now. The only reason I even thought about watching the movie in the first
place is because it had really good music in the trailer, which, strangly, is also how Diesel got me to watch Babylon AD, another disappointment. I am going to go ahead and say that this is yet another movie that is deserving of being on this list. I almost fell asleep twice, I thought the movie was going to end in three different places (which it never did) and it was very predictable. Yet it was still a step up in script as opposed to Catwoman, I will give it that. However, the whole movie did not make logical sense. Toward the beginning of the movie (spoiler alert), Diesel's wife gets killed and almost immediately he is already back at work trying to bring down her killer. That part makes sense, what doesn't make sense is that his boss at the DEA, doesn't give him any time to grieve and waits for Diesel to actually mess up before removing him from the case. Well duh, he is trying to hunt down the killer of his wife, he is not going to just arrest the guy, he is going to beat him to a pulp and risk other officers lives while doing it. I did not like the film style of the director at all either. He was all over the place. The movie is being filmed in what is supposed to be over 5 different locations of California, you can't even keep track of where they originally started and why it even matters that they are in San Pedro or Lower East Side. So end result of this horrible experience: droopy eyes and an increasing hatred of Vin Diesel.

100th Worst Movie: Catwoman

"Catwoman" Starring Halle Barry, Benjamin Bratt and Sharon Stone
Directed by Pitof

"Purr"fectly Boring
By Michele Dillon

If this is where the list is going to start, I am not looking forward to the next lot of movies. I have seen Catwoman before and I thought it then and I think it now: one of the worst movies...ever. If not for the horrible script with the ample associations with what the screenwriter assumes to be "catspeak" (example: "what a purrrfect idea" or "whats the matter, cat got your tongue"), then it's for the horrible delivery of those lines by who is supposed to be one of the best actresses in film. Or at least, I thought that is what the "Best Actress" Oscar was that was given to her for Monster's Ball. Halle Berry may be attractive and she may be willing to get naked to show that she has got "talent", but she is no Best Actress in my book. I am not even going to go into detail about Sharon Stone because it is pretty much a given that she has made bad movie decisions since Basic Instinct 2 (which by the way, is also on the Worst of the Worst list). As if having a horrible script and acting isn't enough to ruin a movie, director Pitof was able to contribute more! The act of simply walking in her catsuit couldn't be completed by Berry alone, it had to be manipulated with computer generation making it seem like a video game. I can understand the scenes where she is jumping from building to building but I don't even remember Spiderman's graphics being that bad.
I guess I was just supposed to ignore all these details and pay attention to how great Berry's "berries" looked in a tight leather outfit (sorry for the poorly planned but intentional pun). Or maybe I was supposed to be drooling over Benjamin Bratt in his uniform. Instead, I was more like drooling on my pillow from falling asleep due to lack of entertainment.

The Idea

I have just watched the movie Julie and Julia and even though it wasn't a fantastic movie, it got me inspired to, like the movie, come up with a project to do within a deadline and then blog about it. So, since I am a big movie buff, I thought of a pretty fun but possibly miserable idea. I am going to watch, what is deemed by the movie review site Rotten Tomatoes, The 100 Worst Movies and then write a review on each one of them. So the goal will be to watch 100 movies in 150 days (I'm going to try and give myself room to have a life on the side of this project). I will, for the sake of the public, watch these horrible movies as to see whether or not I agree with the general opinion that they, well, suck...OR if I end up liking a few of them.

Looking at the list I can already tell right now that I will not like most of this journey. I have, on my own accord, watched a few of the movies before and have deemed them to be on my own personal Worst Movies list, but I will have to endure them one more for the sake of this project.

I will post each movie and their review as I watch them. It will start at the 100th worst movie all the way down to the WORST movie of them all.