"The Number 23" Starring Jim Carrey, Virginia Madsen and Rhona Mitra
Directed by Joel Schumacher
2+3=5, 3-2=1, 5+1=6!!
By Michele Dillon
You may not have gotten my humor in the title. But basically I was playing the same number game they play in the movie and I was taking the numbers 2 and 3 to make 6 to make it seem like the movie is the devil...you know a joke is good if you have to explain it.
So, the premise of this movie is that Virginia Madsen, who plays Jim Carrey's wife, finds a book called The Number 23 and finds it interesting so she gives it to her husband to read. He starts to get obsessed with the book because it seems really similiar to his own life and he starts seeing the number 23 everywhere he goes. He thinks that the number is a curse and its going to haunt him forever.
The movie had a good idea and a good starting point, but it wasn't taken anywhere; at least not anywhere exciting. It seems like the director was just trying to be artistic and the storyline got lost in the process. After awhile, hearing about all the ways that you could turn anything into the numbers 23 got a little old and it seemed that is the only thing the movie was going to focus on until it gets to the last 30 minutes of the movie. Of course there was a twist, which I wont mention for those of you who still want to watch the movie after my review, but even the twist was lacking. I turned off the movie feeling disappointed because I felt it had all this potential that didn't get used because it was relying on the actual idea of the plot, instead of developing the idea.
Monday, September 28, 2009
91st Worst Movie: Urban Legends: Final Cut
"Urban Legends: Final Cut" Starring Jennifer Morrison, Matthew Davis and Eva Mendes
Directed by: John Ottman
Urban Legends' Final Dud
By Michele Dillon
I could have guessed this one was going to bad just because it fits into the stereotypical horror flick that tries to have a new and interesting plot. The fact of the matter is, you're not a horror movie if you have a new and interesting plot, thats called a 'suspense thriller'. However, I will give this movie one props; I was trying to figure out who the killer was throughout the movie and I thought it was quite obvious but it ended up being someone else. I hate when I get duped by a bad movie...
Anyway, the plot, if you want to call it that, is about a group of film students who are trying to direct the best film by the end of the year in order to win an award. One of the students, Jennifer Morrison, comes up with the idea to make a film about a serial killer who kills based off of Urban Legends. Little did she know, her idea would be turned into reality.
Ok, so I can't bash on the acting because the casting director of a horror movie is not looking for chops, they're looking for cha chas. So next in line is the script...wheras I just mentioned above, I can't bash on that either or otherwise it couldn't be a horror movie. So what does that leave me? Whether or not I was scared. This is a pretty easy thing to do. I am a pretty big wimp. However, this movie was not scary whatsoever. Anytime anything scary was meant to happen, it was really predictable how it was going to end. Not only that, but there were 2 or more scenes where the killer tries to kill off the main character but she ends up escaping. How likley is that when the killer has just managed to kill about 10 other people? One of my biggest pet peeves is when the movie makes out the killer to be this really smart pshyco who leaves you no mercy and gives you no chance to escape, but when it comes time to kill the main character, he all of the sudden becomes slow and clumsy and not only does the table fake out (you know, where the killer is on one end of the table, the victim on the other, and then they do this sort of dance in each direction, "oh no, where do I go" thing) but he ends up spilling the beans on how he accomplished all the killings and the reasoning behind it and takes FOREVER killing the main character. Come on, get it over with or get caught.
So thats my two cents on this fine movie. I think you can guess if it is still on the Worst list in my consideration.
Directed by: John Ottman
Urban Legends' Final Dud
By Michele Dillon
I could have guessed this one was going to bad just because it fits into the stereotypical horror flick that tries to have a new and interesting plot. The fact of the matter is, you're not a horror movie if you have a new and interesting plot, thats called a 'suspense thriller'. However, I will give this movie one props; I was trying to figure out who the killer was throughout the movie and I thought it was quite obvious but it ended up being someone else. I hate when I get duped by a bad movie...
Anyway, the plot, if you want to call it that, is about a group of film students who are trying to direct the best film by the end of the year in order to win an award. One of the students, Jennifer Morrison, comes up with the idea to make a film about a serial killer who kills based off of Urban Legends. Little did she know, her idea would be turned into reality.
Ok, so I can't bash on the acting because the casting director of a horror movie is not looking for chops, they're looking for cha chas. So next in line is the script...wheras I just mentioned above, I can't bash on that either or otherwise it couldn't be a horror movie. So what does that leave me? Whether or not I was scared. This is a pretty easy thing to do. I am a pretty big wimp. However, this movie was not scary whatsoever. Anytime anything scary was meant to happen, it was really predictable how it was going to end. Not only that, but there were 2 or more scenes where the killer tries to kill off the main character but she ends up escaping. How likley is that when the killer has just managed to kill about 10 other people? One of my biggest pet peeves is when the movie makes out the killer to be this really smart pshyco who leaves you no mercy and gives you no chance to escape, but when it comes time to kill the main character, he all of the sudden becomes slow and clumsy and not only does the table fake out (you know, where the killer is on one end of the table, the victim on the other, and then they do this sort of dance in each direction, "oh no, where do I go" thing) but he ends up spilling the beans on how he accomplished all the killings and the reasoning behind it and takes FOREVER killing the main character. Come on, get it over with or get caught.
So thats my two cents on this fine movie. I think you can guess if it is still on the Worst list in my consideration.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
92nd Worst Movie: First Daughter
"First Daugther" Starring Katie Holmes, Michael Keaton and Marc Blucas
Directed by Forest Whitaker
Second Slaughter
By Michele Dillon
The first slaughter would be Katie Holmes starring in Dawson's Creek. This movie is the second
slaughter. The third slaughter is Holmes marrying Tom Cruise and throwing away her movie career for a nut job. Sorry to be so harsh Katie, but you did. You haven't done anything decent since you married Tom and you know its because he is a psycho. Ok, but now to the movie itself. I was actually really surprised when I found out Forest Whitaker directed this movie because out of the movies I have seen him act in, I never would have guessed this would be the kind of movie he would direct. The premise of the story being that Holmes is the daughter of the President who is up for re-election. She is going off to college and just wants to have a normal college life but she can't because she always has secret service men following her wherever she goes to make sure she is safe. If the plot wasn't lacking, everything else was. It was a cheesball of a movie. There really is no other better word to use to describe it. The acting wasn't horrible and it didn't have bad actors in it. Michael Keaton is always a fan favorite. It was just one of those movies that yet again was effected by the script. When you don't have the right words and a good storyline, no matter who you put in the movie, it cannot be saved. That is basically the only thing this movie had going against it. That and that fact that Holmes kept making that face where she looks to the left, then the right, then smiles at her surroundings...look for
it, it's in almost everything. Not really one of those movies that I would die if I had to watch again but I was super excited once it ended so I could get on with my life (or you know, watching more horrible movies).
Directed by Forest Whitaker
Second Slaughter
By Michele Dillon
The first slaughter would be Katie Holmes starring in Dawson's Creek. This movie is the second
slaughter. The third slaughter is Holmes marrying Tom Cruise and throwing away her movie career for a nut job. Sorry to be so harsh Katie, but you did. You haven't done anything decent since you married Tom and you know its because he is a psycho. Ok, but now to the movie itself. I was actually really surprised when I found out Forest Whitaker directed this movie because out of the movies I have seen him act in, I never would have guessed this would be the kind of movie he would direct. The premise of the story being that Holmes is the daughter of the President who is up for re-election. She is going off to college and just wants to have a normal college life but she can't because she always has secret service men following her wherever she goes to make sure she is safe. If the plot wasn't lacking, everything else was. It was a cheesball of a movie. There really is no other better word to use to describe it. The acting wasn't horrible and it didn't have bad actors in it. Michael Keaton is always a fan favorite. It was just one of those movies that yet again was effected by the script. When you don't have the right words and a good storyline, no matter who you put in the movie, it cannot be saved. That is basically the only thing this movie had going against it. That and that fact that Holmes kept making that face where she looks to the left, then the right, then smiles at her surroundings...look for
it, it's in almost everything. Not really one of those movies that I would die if I had to watch again but I was super excited once it ended so I could get on with my life (or you know, watching more horrible movies).
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
93rd Worst Movie: Juwanna Mann
"Juwanna Mann" Starring Miguel A. Nunez, Vivica A. Fox and Kevin Pollack
Directed by Jesse Vaughan
Juwanna Bland
By Michele Dillon
The idea of this movie is something we have all seen or at least heard of before. It first started with Shakespeare and his story Twelfth Night and since has been integrated into movies such as this and She's the Man (a more direct version of the story). The premise is that Jamal Jeffries cannot play in the men's league of basketball for his crude behaivor and stuck up attitude so he gets the idea to dress up as a woman and play for the woman's league. During his time as a "woman" he discovers himself and realizes that he has had a super ego that he doesn't need to have. He starts to have a better career as a woman then he ever did as a man, but of course he gets discovered and the plot goes from there. The story itself wasn't such a bad idea, I myself am a fan of She's the Man even though I do get made fun of for it (ahem-by my sister-ahem). It was the acting that affected me in this movie. I dont believe I have ever seen Miguel Nunez in anything before this and I am so glad that I haven't. His high pitched voice reminded me of Chris Rock but not as funny and not as endearing. Usually when I watch a movie that shows how a person with a huge ego can turn around and become a better person I like the feel good touch it has. In this movie, however, it didn't touch me at all. I was mostly annoyed by Nunez's characters Jamal and Juwanna because they were both obnoxious and it seemed that it only took him one day to learn his lesson wheras if he truly had that big of an ego it would probably take him 1 year, if not more. The whole movie just dragged on and on as if it was never going to end and even though it wasn't the worst one I have watched out of all of these movies so far, it barely left me with any thoughts on it. I finished watching it with absolutely nothing interesting I wanted to say on it because it gave me no really bad emotion and no really good emotion. I sucked it up for the honor of this blog of course and found something to say, which ended up being negative so I guess that is what I thought of this movie.Friday, September 11, 2009
94th Worst Movie: I Dreamed of Africa
"I Dreamed of Africa" Starring Kim Bassinger and Daniel Craig
Directed by Hugh Hudson
I Nightmared of Bassinger
By Michele Dillon
Based on a true story, the movie is about a woman and her child along with her new husband living down in Africa and running a Ranch where they have to look out for poachers on their land. I love Africa. I love it's culture, it's animals, it's dancing, and most of the time I like the movies about it as well. In this case however, Africa was basically the background and this women's story, sad as it was, played the main part and was lacking of any adventure or excitement that you might associate with Africa.
I think it all boils down to two things. The script and the acting. I think it is clear that I have a general dislike for Kim Bassinger from my previous blog. I will try not to cloud my judgement with that bias when I talk about how horrible the acting was in this movie. But first the script: basically 2 minutes into the movie we are supposed to believe that Bassinger is in love with this man that she got into a car accident with. It is supposed to be showing a span of a few months but it is so choppy, that trying to believe that this man, who lost his girlfriend/wife in the accident, falls in love so fast with Bassinger almost makes you sick because you feel like he didn't have any time to grieve. The lines are written with no feeling and leaves you confused as to how it went from one scene to another scene, almost like they missed something along the way. But then there were also times where stuff occurred that seemed like it was supposed to be important to the story but it was never mentioned again and never explained. Such as the symbolical egg that contains a message inside of it. Bassinger's husband puts a message inside a giant egg and advises her she has to crack the egg in order to see it. He also says that she will know when the right time will be to open it. From the time it is introduced there are numerous scenes where it shows the egg and it still has not been opened but by the end of the movie, they never reveal if it was opened and if so, what the message was. So why even put it in the movie at all?
Now for the acting; Bassinger delievers her lines with absolutely no feeling. Sure she cries and puts a fake anguished look on her face but I feel absolutely no emotion from anything she ever says. Its like she is a dummy saying the lines her master is giving her. As for everyone else, there wasn't any one reconizable in the film other than Daniel Craig who didn't play a big enough of a part to award any criticism. The kid who plays her son, Liam Aiken, I reconized as being the son in the movie Stepmom. You can't really criticize a child's acting but I will for the lack of not having anyone else to pick on but Bassinger. He was quite annoying actually for being such a cute kid. He was repetitive and even though this is what was given to him, he kept calling his mother "pep" which we, again, get no explanation as to the meaning of this. I could only assume it was another way of saying mom. I can see why this movie was on the list but it also wasn't as bad as the other movies I have watched so far even though I hate Bassinger. However, I wouldn't reccomend to watch it either.
Directed by Hugh Hudson
I Nightmared of Bassinger
By Michele Dillon
Based on a true story, the movie is about a woman and her child along with her new husband living down in Africa and running a Ranch where they have to look out for poachers on their land. I love Africa. I love it's culture, it's animals, it's dancing, and most of the time I like the movies about it as well. In this case however, Africa was basically the background and this women's story, sad as it was, played the main part and was lacking of any adventure or excitement that you might associate with Africa.
I think it all boils down to two things. The script and the acting. I think it is clear that I have a general dislike for Kim Bassinger from my previous blog. I will try not to cloud my judgement with that bias when I talk about how horrible the acting was in this movie. But first the script: basically 2 minutes into the movie we are supposed to believe that Bassinger is in love with this man that she got into a car accident with. It is supposed to be showing a span of a few months but it is so choppy, that trying to believe that this man, who lost his girlfriend/wife in the accident, falls in love so fast with Bassinger almost makes you sick because you feel like he didn't have any time to grieve. The lines are written with no feeling and leaves you confused as to how it went from one scene to another scene, almost like they missed something along the way. But then there were also times where stuff occurred that seemed like it was supposed to be important to the story but it was never mentioned again and never explained. Such as the symbolical egg that contains a message inside of it. Bassinger's husband puts a message inside a giant egg and advises her she has to crack the egg in order to see it. He also says that she will know when the right time will be to open it. From the time it is introduced there are numerous scenes where it shows the egg and it still has not been opened but by the end of the movie, they never reveal if it was opened and if so, what the message was. So why even put it in the movie at all?
Now for the acting; Bassinger delievers her lines with absolutely no feeling. Sure she cries and puts a fake anguished look on her face but I feel absolutely no emotion from anything she ever says. Its like she is a dummy saying the lines her master is giving her. As for everyone else, there wasn't any one reconizable in the film other than Daniel Craig who didn't play a big enough of a part to award any criticism. The kid who plays her son, Liam Aiken, I reconized as being the son in the movie Stepmom. You can't really criticize a child's acting but I will for the lack of not having anyone else to pick on but Bassinger. He was quite annoying actually for being such a cute kid. He was repetitive and even though this is what was given to him, he kept calling his mother "pep" which we, again, get no explanation as to the meaning of this. I could only assume it was another way of saying mom. I can see why this movie was on the list but it also wasn't as bad as the other movies I have watched so far even though I hate Bassinger. However, I wouldn't reccomend to watch it either.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Stay Tuned For: I Dreamed of Africa
Starring Kim Bassinger and Daniel Craig
Can I review this movie without watching it?.....Please?
Let's make a list of the movies that Kim Bassinger has been in and see if they were any good, just for an idea:
Batman: Yes it was good but that is only because Batman himself is a badass, and obviously she didn't bring much to the film since they didn't want her in the second one.
8 Mile: Uh....I'm going to have to say no...do I need to explain?
Cellular: Soundtrack=Good, Movie=What is that word again? It means the opposite of good...ryhmes with sad, mad...man, why can't I think of it...oh yeah, bad
The Sentinel: Even Keifer Sutherland let me down in this one...
While She Was Out: You may have not even heard of this one, that is because it came straight to DVD. You may ask me why I watched it when I obviously don't like Kim Bassinger. The answer is: I don't value my life as much as I thought I did
Actual review of this movie will be up by Thursday at latest, my obituary will be in the newspaper on Friday at earliest...
Can I review this movie without watching it?.....Please?
Let's make a list of the movies that Kim Bassinger has been in and see if they were any good, just for an idea:
Batman: Yes it was good but that is only because Batman himself is a badass, and obviously she didn't bring much to the film since they didn't want her in the second one.
8 Mile: Uh....I'm going to have to say no...do I need to explain?
Cellular: Soundtrack=Good, Movie=What is that word again? It means the opposite of good...ryhmes with sad, mad...man, why can't I think of it...oh yeah, bad
The Sentinel: Even Keifer Sutherland let me down in this one...
While She Was Out: You may have not even heard of this one, that is because it came straight to DVD. You may ask me why I watched it when I obviously don't like Kim Bassinger. The answer is: I don't value my life as much as I thought I did
Actual review of this movie will be up by Thursday at latest, my obituary will be in the newspaper on Friday at earliest...
Thursday, September 3, 2009
95th Worst Movie: Taxi
"Taxi" Starring Jimmy Fallon, Queen Latifah and Jennifer Esposito
Directed by Tim Story
I'd Rather Take the Bus
By Michele Dillon
I believe I saw this one in the theatres when it first came out. I remember that I really liked it then because I was a huge Jimmy Fallon fan. Watching it this time around, I didn't absolutley hate it. But I also didn't have my love for Jimmy clouding my judgement. So the verdict this time around is, I loved the car racing scenes, I didn't love the script or the acting. On SNL, Fallon had a gift for making people laugh, it was his out of place humor and the fact that he cracked up during almost every skit that made him loveable. On film, he didnt hold that same stature. Probably because this skit lasted for about and hour and a half. He had a few good lines but for the most part, the story just wasn't funny enough to fit his personality. Queen Latifiah gets better with age. I did not like and still do not like any of the roles she played when she was younger, including this one. She was just way too overzealous with her character and just didn't hit my funny spot even though I knew she was trying. This was definitely the best one I saw out of the everything so far but only by a few marks.
Directed by Tim Story
I'd Rather Take the Bus
By Michele Dillon
I believe I saw this one in the theatres when it first came out. I remember that I really liked it then because I was a huge Jimmy Fallon fan. Watching it this time around, I didn't absolutley hate it. But I also didn't have my love for Jimmy clouding my judgement. So the verdict this time around is, I loved the car racing scenes, I didn't love the script or the acting. On SNL, Fallon had a gift for making people laugh, it was his out of place humor and the fact that he cracked up during almost every skit that made him loveable. On film, he didnt hold that same stature. Probably because this skit lasted for about and hour and a half. He had a few good lines but for the most part, the story just wasn't funny enough to fit his personality. Queen Latifiah gets better with age. I did not like and still do not like any of the roles she played when she was younger, including this one. She was just way too overzealous with her character and just didn't hit my funny spot even though I knew she was trying. This was definitely the best one I saw out of the everything so far but only by a few marks.
96th Worst Movie: Say It Isn't So
"Say It Isn't So" Starring Heather Graham, Chris Klein and Sally Fields
Directed by J.B. Rogers
"It Isn't So"
By Michele Dillon
Why? Why did I come up with this horrid idea? I thought I watched a lot of bad movies, but there is all these movies out there that I didn't even know about! I may be jumping the gun here by saying this movie should be the #1 Worst Movie, but I will do it, in fact, I already have, I have jumped. There was not ONE thing I liked about this movie. Chris Klein's voice is probably one of the most annoying ones out there and yet this movie has him doing voice over. On top of that, they made him the main character when he can't even be very good at a supporting role and Graham is supposed to be the most beautiful girl anyone has ever seen, which is equivalent to us having to believe that Nikki Reed is supposed to be the most beautiful person in the world (for those of you Twlight readers/movie goers, you know what I am talking about). The premise of the story is that they fall in love and are about to get married but then Klein finds out that she is his sister. So she moves away and doesn't want to see him again. Only around 18 months later does he find out that she actually ISN'T his sister so then he treks all the way from Indiana to Oregon to try and find her again to convince her that he is not her brother and they can get married. If the actual storyline isn't sick enough for you, the part where Klein gets his hand stuck in a cow's rear end will be or the part where he takes pubic hair from a garbage can and uses it to fashion a beard so he can disguise himself will. Not even good old Sally Fields could overshadow anyone in this film. I just can't fathom being an actor, having picked up this script, read it, and thought it to be good enough to try out for. But yet again, Chris Klein and Heather Graham really don't have any other options do they?
Directed by J.B. Rogers
"It Isn't So"
By Michele Dillon
Why? Why did I come up with this horrid idea? I thought I watched a lot of bad movies, but there is all these movies out there that I didn't even know about! I may be jumping the gun here by saying this movie should be the #1 Worst Movie, but I will do it, in fact, I already have, I have jumped. There was not ONE thing I liked about this movie. Chris Klein's voice is probably one of the most annoying ones out there and yet this movie has him doing voice over. On top of that, they made him the main character when he can't even be very good at a supporting role and Graham is supposed to be the most beautiful girl anyone has ever seen, which is equivalent to us having to believe that Nikki Reed is supposed to be the most beautiful person in the world (for those of you Twlight readers/movie goers, you know what I am talking about). The premise of the story is that they fall in love and are about to get married but then Klein finds out that she is his sister. So she moves away and doesn't want to see him again. Only around 18 months later does he find out that she actually ISN'T his sister so then he treks all the way from Indiana to Oregon to try and find her again to convince her that he is not her brother and they can get married. If the actual storyline isn't sick enough for you, the part where Klein gets his hand stuck in a cow's rear end will be or the part where he takes pubic hair from a garbage can and uses it to fashion a beard so he can disguise himself will. Not even good old Sally Fields could overshadow anyone in this film. I just can't fathom being an actor, having picked up this script, read it, and thought it to be good enough to try out for. But yet again, Chris Klein and Heather Graham really don't have any other options do they?
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Inglorius Basterds: On My BEST Movie List
Ok, so this is not one of the Worst of the Worst movies on the list. Actually, its FAR from it. I have been patiently waiting for my next Worst movie to come in the mail from the oh so ever fast online Blockbuster (sarcastic tone). So, to occupy my time, I must watch good movies to outweigh the bad. This movie outweighed all four of the past Worst movies I watched! And that is saying a lot!
I am not a huge fan of Quentin Tarantino. It always seems like he sticks to the same stuff and doesn't really go outside the box of "Samurai Sword Slashers". I had a Kill Bill phaze back in high school with my friend Stephanie where we were absolutley obsessed. So naturally we thought the rest of his movies would be good. I'm probably one of the few people who will say it aloud, Pulp Fiction sucks! Reservoir Dogs sucks! Sorry to have go to such drastic measures...
In my mind, Tarantino hasn't made any other movies than Inglorius Basterds. That way, it's OK for me to say that he is one of the best directors out there. This movie combined everything that is good about a movie into one: action, supberb acting, amazing script, witty out of place comedy, gore (but not TOO much that you puke), and a lead up to an ending that leaves a very satisfying taste in your mouth. On top of all that, you end up loving the villian, not because you side with him, but because he makes you hate him so much that revenge is sweet. Not to say that you can't see Tarantino's style. There is still the shocking scenes and the bloody mess but it's done in such a way that doesn't make you say "Cheesy!". This movie has a smorgasbord of languages in it as well: English, French and German. You have to read some subtitles but that only makes it seem more authentic.
To put it in a simple form of description, when I left the theatre all I could say was "Bad Ass!"
I am not a huge fan of Quentin Tarantino. It always seems like he sticks to the same stuff and doesn't really go outside the box of "Samurai Sword Slashers". I had a Kill Bill phaze back in high school with my friend Stephanie where we were absolutley obsessed. So naturally we thought the rest of his movies would be good. I'm probably one of the few people who will say it aloud, Pulp Fiction sucks! Reservoir Dogs sucks! Sorry to have go to such drastic measures...
In my mind, Tarantino hasn't made any other movies than Inglorius Basterds. That way, it's OK for me to say that he is one of the best directors out there. This movie combined everything that is good about a movie into one: action, supberb acting, amazing script, witty out of place comedy, gore (but not TOO much that you puke), and a lead up to an ending that leaves a very satisfying taste in your mouth. On top of all that, you end up loving the villian, not because you side with him, but because he makes you hate him so much that revenge is sweet. Not to say that you can't see Tarantino's style. There is still the shocking scenes and the bloody mess but it's done in such a way that doesn't make you say "Cheesy!". This movie has a smorgasbord of languages in it as well: English, French and German. You have to read some subtitles but that only makes it seem more authentic.
To put it in a simple form of description, when I left the theatre all I could say was "Bad Ass!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
