44th Worst Movie: Material Girls

“Material Girls” Starring Hilary Duff, Haylie Duff and Angelica Houston
Directed by Martha Coolidge

Madonna Say What?
By Michele Dillon
Here are two things that Madonna and this movie have in common. One, the obvious, that the title of the movie is the title of one of her most famous songs and two, Madonna starred in a really bad movie (Swept Away-which is on this list) and this movie IS a bad movie. Some people say they don’t believe in “meant to be” but this should be sure fire proof that they are wrong.
Just like any good movie reviewer, I’m going to resort to making my pro’s and con’s list of this movie since I really don’t think I could come up with logical full sentences about it.

Pros
1.) I didn’t have to listen to Madonna sing “Material Girls” which I thought was going to be an expected

Cons
1.) I had to listen to Hilary and Haylie Duff sing “Material Girls” which I should have seen coming

2.) The amazingly bad outfits that they had to wear but were supposed to be considered fashionable…but at the same time, made me wonder why those things were not in my closet right this very second

3.) It is inconceivable that Hilary Duff still gets cast for movies with her high pitched squeaky annoying voice…I want to do either of two things when I hear it: vomit and/or run as fast as I can onto a chair because I think I hear a mouse

4.) Not to just dive right into making fun of the plot, but really, the plot was “a hot mess” (as my new comedian favorite Chelsea Handler likes to say)

5.)If I have to see Hilary Duff in one more of these Worst movies, I think that I should be given a medal…a medal for being able to not automatically take a whole bottle of vicodin in hopes that her face will get so blurry I will think its Ashley Tisdale or better yet, I will have to be airlifted to a hospital to have my stomach pumped which is what I really would rather be doing than watching this stupid girl act

6.) I don’t really remember (I confess, I took HALF a bottle of vicodin, but only HALF, I still deserve my medal), but did I already attack the plot, because if I haven’t, I just have to say, it was really dumb

7.) As always, I will end my cons list on the number 7 because I believe that since I am saying such negative things that the lucky number seven will even my negativity out and if I were to not survive my stomach being pumped (you know…if it must resort to those measures) than I would still get in to heaven (cause you know that is where Duff will go…but only if she dyes her hair back to blonde again and admits to having an eating disorder. At least that is the deal that God and Satan have…Satan only wants the fatties and the brunettes…that’s why I must never allow myself to become obese and if I do then I must immediately dye my hair blonde)
Just as a side note, I will save you the time of going back and looking at all my pros and cons list to see if I really did end on 7 each time…I really didn’t, I lied…but I never did say I deserved a medal for honesty…