55th Worst Movie: Gigli

“Gigli” Starring Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez and Justin Bartha
Directed by Martin Brest

Really?
By Michele Dillon

Those of you who have not seen this movie, this headline probably isn’t that funny. So for the purpose of making you laugh with me instead of at me, I will explain: Ben Affleck explains to people when they mispronounce his name that it rhymes with really. However, I am using the word really in the sense of: Really? Did you really make this movie? Just so you know, it always creates a bigger laugh if you have to explain your jokes…it’s been proven…

Yes, this movie REALLY is as bad as everyone says it is. It lives up to those expectations brilliantly. I am not even sure if I can write a premise on this movie because it was kind of pointless so I am not sure where they were trying to even go with it but I will make my attempt. Ok, so Affleck is supposed to be playing a “tough guy” working for a mobster where his job is to basically collect money that is owed to his employer and/or anything else that the mobster/gangster may need. In the case of this movie Affleck’s employer needs him to kidnap a mentally challenged kid (who is the brother of a court official) and then watch over him until is needed. Affleck’s employer doesn’t trust him to be able to do the job right so he hires another employee to watch over him, Lopez. Which right there, is the dumbest thing ever, why not just fire Affleck and then hire Lopez if he doesn’t trust him to do the job right? But of course, that would make it so Affleck and Lopez couldn’t have a love/hate relationship the entire movie. But oh wait, I left an important part out, Lopez’s character is a lesbian so she isn’t even attracted to Affleck at all but somehow, magically ¾ through the movie, she decides to have sex with him, but don’t get her wrong, she is still lesbian, she just wanted to “scratch her itch” apparently. So this movie ends up being a half love story/half lesbian changeover/whole really bad movie.

There is actually a whole scene dedicated to Lopez doing Yoga because it is supposed to be all sexual, but the monologue she has during the scene is a complete snore fest which leads me to believe they didn’t really think anybody would be listening to her words, which is probably true but I am not a guy, nor lesbian, nor am I a fan of Jennifer Lopez so it didn’t work on me.

I really don’t even see what the potential in this movie could have been in order for anyone to agree to produce and direct it or even write it, or to not even be embarrassed for presenting it as something that you wrote…anyway, I am glad that one is over with.