54th Worst Movie: Envy

“Envy” Starring Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Amy Poehler
Directed by Barry Levinson

I Envy Your Eyeballs… (Because They Did Not Watch This Movie)
By Michele Dillon

Ben Stiller, yes you are amazing, I still stick by that Zoolander is possibly one of the funniest movies ever. Jack Black, I never really liked you, I think that you actually purposefully pick bad movies because you have nothing else better to do with your time. Together, amazing and bad, you have created something that was probably not even considered possible…atrocious. Yes, the atrocious actor, AA if you will. Oh AA, you know no boundaries, you see no horizon, and you continue to disappoint viewers all over the world, which is your destiny. You have so completed your destiny through this movie, and may therefore dismiss yourself from further duties…please…do not make a movie again together…it is not necessary…we will forgive you…in fact we will thank you.

If I hadn’t made myself clear in the previous paragraph, this movie was not good. The basic premise was Jack Black’s character came up with the idea of making poop disappear so you wouldn’t have to use doggie bags anymore, he offered to have his friend Ben Stiller’s character get in on the action with him. Stiller thought it was a horrible idea so he declined. It ends up that the idea works and Black becomes really rich. So for most of the movie Stiller is sitting there being envious of his friend because he could have cashed on the riches too but now it is too late. Stiller’s wife also resents him the entire movie because she wants to be rich too, which I think is a blatant reason for Stiller to divorce her because she is obviously shallow and stupid, but he doesn’t and they live in agony together until….well, I don’t want to ruin this fantastic movie for you, so you will just have to see for yourself if you are really that interested. Believe me, you are not that interested.