61st Worst Movie: Jawbreaker

“Jawbreaker” Starring Rose McGowan, Julie Benz and Rebecca Gayheart
Directed by Darren Stein

Psychotic Break
By Michele Dillon

Watching this movie, I was just dying to make one of my lists as to why this movie is so bad so do not deny me of my one hope and dream! Oh yeah, you can’t…it’s not like you can make me stop typing or anything…

Before I start, I will give a brief synopsis of the movie so you know what I am talking about: Three girls kidnap their best friend at the beginning of the movie for her birthday and one of the girls decides to stick a jawbreaker in the friend’s mouth and then duck tape it so she can’t scream. They put her in the trunk and then when they open it, the jawbreaker is stuck in her throat and she is obviously dead.

Reasons Why This Movie Sucks

1.) The girls that were supposed to be playing Highs School-ers looked like they were in their late 20’s. Not that that is old, but people in their late 20’s cannot pull off looking like they are 18, it is just not plausible.
2.) Rose McGowan should stick to acting on the show Charmed. Reason? Because she sucks at acting and that show excels on amazingly bad talent.
3.) It was ridiculous that McGowan’s character had absolutely no remorse for her friend dying and the fact that she was the one that accidentally did it. The movie was trying to act like that is how bitchy teenagers act, but really, that just means that you are psychotic.
4.) It was even more ridiculous that instead of making McGowan’s character get caught by the police at the end of the movie, they just made this big whole scene on how her “High School career” was over because everybody thinks she is a murderer. News Flash: her WHOLE life is over because she IS a murderer, whether on accident or not. She would not have gone to jail if she had just called the police after it happened and admitted it was an accident.
5.) The filming was so off the wall, it reminded me of Slackers. It had all these dream sequences that were not dream sequences but sometimes they were…knock it off people, I do not like these! Either it’s a dream sequence or it is not! You cannot have both! BTW- what is the obsession with dream sequences anyway, you can just take a hint from me right now, they are dumb and they never turn out as good as you are probably thinking it will in your head. I obviously have very strong opinions about this; sorry if you do not understand my overreaction about dream sequences…it makes sense to me…
6.) I’m flying amongst a sky full of clouds, my head is floating, oh my god, when could heads start floating, this is crazy! I start taking my floating ahead across the universe and we travel until no one understands where we are going with my bodiless self (that was an example of a dream sequence, in a movie, they take all those words that I just wrote and try to make it into images on the screen, it never works out. It was annoying and it sucked right? Now do you understand?)