I know you guys follow this blog closely everyday( seriously, stop logging in every hour, it's weird!) so I thought that it wouldn't sneak past you to see that I am past my deadline for my blogs...
NOT TO WORRY! I am still going to finish them but it is just taking me a lot longer then expected...as I go farther and farther down the list...the movies get worse and worse...hmmm I guess that IS how a countdown works...
Anyway, don't lose faith in me 6 followers! I will prevail!
Monday, January 25, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Stalling Tactic
So even though I am pretty amazing, it's not really possible for me to watch 51 movies in one day (in reality I only have 37 movies left because I watched some out of order, but they are not posted yet since I am counting down)...don't ask me how it happened but somehow the time got away from me and I obviously underestimated how long it would take me to watch such horrible movies. I figured I would watch one every other day but you want to take a break from it every once and awhile and even though there were a few times where I watched 4 movies in a day, I was just never able to catch up with deadline...I know....how could I disappoint my 6 followers so bad?
Not to worry though because I have come up with a really good stalling tactic. I am going to post a list of...wait for it...all the movies....from 2009....from best to worst!! Wow! That is even BETTER than all my movie reviews I've done so far!
So here it is...
2009 Best and Worst Movies
The Good
27.) A Perfect Getaway
26.) Julie and Julia
25.) The Proposal
24.) Earth
23.) Confessions of a Shopaholic
22.) Alvin and the Chipmunks 2: The Squeakqel
21.) Adam
20.) Sunshine Cleaning
19.) The Time Traveler’s Wife
18.) Away We Go
17.) Crossing Over
16.) Push
15.) Taken
14.) The Blindside
13.) Terminator Salvation
12.) X-Men Origins: Wolverine
11.) Gamer
10.) Law Abiding Citizen
9.) Star Trek
8.) Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
7.) Avatar 3D
6.) Up
5.) The Ugly Truth
4.) 17 Again
3.) Zombieland
2.) The Hangover
And the best movie of 2009 is…
1.) Inglourious Basterds- say Auf Wiedersehen to your Nazi balls!
The So-So
27.) Hannah Montana: The Movie
26.) Inkheart
25.) Knowing
24.) 9
23.) Fast and Furious
22.) New In Town
21.) Land of the Lost
20.) The Taking of Pelham 123
19.) Saw 6
18.) 12 Rounds
17.) Couples Retreat
16.) Men Who Stare at Goats
15.) Adventureland
14.) Hotel For Dogs
13.) I Love You Man
12.) The Last House on the Left
11.) 500 Days of Summer
10.) Orphan
9.) State of Play
8.) My Sister’s Keeper
7.) Funny People
6.) He’s Just Not That Into You
5.) Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen
4.) Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
3.) The Uninvited
2.) Armored
And the best So-So Movie of 2009 is…
1.) Whip It –“I like smart girls. That's why I married your mama. Well, that and I knocked her up.”
The Ugly
26.) Phoebe in Wonderland
25.) Paper Heart
24.) The Soloist
23.) The Education of Charlie Banks
22,) Friday the 13th
21.) Ice Age 3
20.) Sorority Row
19.) Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
18.) Obsessed
17.) The Soloist
16.) My Bloody Valentine
15.) All About Steve
14.) The Goods
13.) Fame
12.) Race to Witch Mountain
11.) Bride Wars
10.) The Brothers Bloom
9.) G.I. Joe
8.) The Unborn
7.) Fighting
6.) Year One
5.) Drag Me To Hell
4.) Jennifer’s Body
3.) Observe & Report
2.) Bruno
And the worst movie of 2009 is…
1.) Dance Flick-“You just mispronounced that word to make it sound like it had an I in it.”
Not to worry though because I have come up with a really good stalling tactic. I am going to post a list of...wait for it...all the movies....from 2009....from best to worst!! Wow! That is even BETTER than all my movie reviews I've done so far!
So here it is...
2009 Best and Worst Movies
The Good
27.) A Perfect Getaway
26.) Julie and Julia
25.) The Proposal
24.) Earth
23.) Confessions of a Shopaholic
22.) Alvin and the Chipmunks 2: The Squeakqel
21.) Adam
20.) Sunshine Cleaning
19.) The Time Traveler’s Wife
18.) Away We Go
17.) Crossing Over
16.) Push
15.) Taken
14.) The Blindside
13.) Terminator Salvation
12.) X-Men Origins: Wolverine
11.) Gamer
10.) Law Abiding Citizen
9.) Star Trek
8.) Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
7.) Avatar 3D
6.) Up
5.) The Ugly Truth
4.) 17 Again
3.) Zombieland
2.) The Hangover
And the best movie of 2009 is…
1.) Inglourious Basterds- say Auf Wiedersehen to your Nazi balls!
The So-So
27.) Hannah Montana: The Movie
26.) Inkheart
25.) Knowing
24.) 9
23.) Fast and Furious
22.) New In Town
21.) Land of the Lost
20.) The Taking of Pelham 123
19.) Saw 6
18.) 12 Rounds
17.) Couples Retreat
16.) Men Who Stare at Goats
15.) Adventureland
14.) Hotel For Dogs
13.) I Love You Man
12.) The Last House on the Left
11.) 500 Days of Summer
10.) Orphan
9.) State of Play
8.) My Sister’s Keeper
7.) Funny People
6.) He’s Just Not That Into You
5.) Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen
4.) Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
3.) The Uninvited
2.) Armored
And the best So-So Movie of 2009 is…
1.) Whip It –“I like smart girls. That's why I married your mama. Well, that and I knocked her up.”
The Ugly
26.) Phoebe in Wonderland
25.) Paper Heart
24.) The Soloist
23.) The Education of Charlie Banks
22,) Friday the 13th
21.) Ice Age 3
20.) Sorority Row
19.) Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
18.) Obsessed
17.) The Soloist
16.) My Bloody Valentine
15.) All About Steve
14.) The Goods
13.) Fame
12.) Race to Witch Mountain
11.) Bride Wars
10.) The Brothers Bloom
9.) G.I. Joe
8.) The Unborn
7.) Fighting
6.) Year One
5.) Drag Me To Hell
4.) Jennifer’s Body
3.) Observe & Report
2.) Bruno
And the worst movie of 2009 is…
1.) Dance Flick-“You just mispronounced that word to make it sound like it had an I in it.”
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
52nd Worst Movie: Johnson Family Vacation
“Johnson Family Vacation” Starring Cedric the Entertainer, Steve Harvey and Vanessa Williams
Directed by Christopher Erskin
Johnson Family Lamecation
By Michele Dillon
What good could come out of making a movie about two brothers who spend their time trying to win the Family of the Year award at their annual family reunion? That is about the lamest plot I have ever heard of. ¾ of the movie is spent on the road trip over to the reunion and the other ¼ of it is spent with Cedric and Harvey, playing brothers, fighting about who is better. I don’t know if I get these kinds of movies. It seems like there are some people out there who would think that this is funny but I was highly NOT entertained by “The Entertainer”.
Of course, Cedric also had to pull a, what I like to call, “Eddie Murphy” (it is where you play more than one part in the movie but you dress up in fat suits or change the look of your face). The “Eddie Murphy” is not exactly a good tactic, sure it worked in Bowfinger, but other than that, every movie he has made where he has played more than one character has failed. Why do these actors put themselves through this kind of misery? Or maybe it is really fun for them so they do not see how horrible it is until it is too late and the repercussions that is this movie is staring them right in the face. Who knows why they feel the need to torture me…
So anyway, usually you can tell how much I hated the movie by either the review being really short because I have nothing to really say about it, or it is super long because of all the bad stuff I have to say about it. It is only really safe to assume that if it is a medium review then I must like it, but there is always the possibility that I don’t like it as well. So really, there is no correlation between the length of my reviews and whether or not I like them, why did you even bring it up?
Directed by Christopher Erskin
Johnson Family Lamecation
By Michele Dillon
What good could come out of making a movie about two brothers who spend their time trying to win the Family of the Year award at their annual family reunion? That is about the lamest plot I have ever heard of. ¾ of the movie is spent on the road trip over to the reunion and the other ¼ of it is spent with Cedric and Harvey, playing brothers, fighting about who is better. I don’t know if I get these kinds of movies. It seems like there are some people out there who would think that this is funny but I was highly NOT entertained by “The Entertainer”.
Of course, Cedric also had to pull a, what I like to call, “Eddie Murphy” (it is where you play more than one part in the movie but you dress up in fat suits or change the look of your face). The “Eddie Murphy” is not exactly a good tactic, sure it worked in Bowfinger, but other than that, every movie he has made where he has played more than one character has failed. Why do these actors put themselves through this kind of misery? Or maybe it is really fun for them so they do not see how horrible it is until it is too late and the repercussions that is this movie is staring them right in the face. Who knows why they feel the need to torture me…
So anyway, usually you can tell how much I hated the movie by either the review being really short because I have nothing to really say about it, or it is super long because of all the bad stuff I have to say about it. It is only really safe to assume that if it is a medium review then I must like it, but there is always the possibility that I don’t like it as well. So really, there is no correlation between the length of my reviews and whether or not I like them, why did you even bring it up?
Monday, January 4, 2010
53rd Worst Movie: Yours, Mine and Ours
“Yours, Mine and Ours” Starring Dennis Quaid, Rene Russo and Sean Faris
Directed by Raja Gosnell
These Kids Are Definitely Yours
By Michele Dillon
I know kids are bad, but this movie made them seem selfish and horrible. The movie is about two old high school sweethearts who meet each other again a few decades down the road. The woman has 10 kids and the man has 8 kids. They decide to get married right off the bat so the kids have to live together and they hate it. They plot together to ruin their parents relationship just so they don’t have to live with each other. A few things they do are; ruining their mom’s working space right when she had to make a bunch of purses on a time budget, possibly making her lose the job, just because they knew it would piss her off and make her get into a fight with the dad and they also threw a party and blamed it on the fact that their mom said they could have a few friends over so it would start another fight. I sure hope that if I ever have kids that they wouldn’t be as self-centered and rude as that just to get what they want. The worst part of it all is that during this “working together” to break their parents up, they were getting along and they were too stupid to notice that they didn’t want to not live with each other anymore so they continued to try to break the parents up. I am sure the script writer was doing this to be a “I told you so” kind of thing but it made the kids look like they all got dropped on their heads when they were younger.
Another thing that didn’t make sense was that the parents actually fell for all this stuff instead of just talking to each other to see if they actually did it or if it was the kids. That’s what you get when you marry someone about a day after you meet them and don’t even know what it is like to live with them let alone their kids. The movie just seemed like it was implausible that the situation could even happen. I can’t really make fun of the acting because they were kids and I even feel bad making fun of this movie because it was made for kids so I guess I will just stop there.
Directed by Raja Gosnell
These Kids Are Definitely Yours
By Michele Dillon
I know kids are bad, but this movie made them seem selfish and horrible. The movie is about two old high school sweethearts who meet each other again a few decades down the road. The woman has 10 kids and the man has 8 kids. They decide to get married right off the bat so the kids have to live together and they hate it. They plot together to ruin their parents relationship just so they don’t have to live with each other. A few things they do are; ruining their mom’s working space right when she had to make a bunch of purses on a time budget, possibly making her lose the job, just because they knew it would piss her off and make her get into a fight with the dad and they also threw a party and blamed it on the fact that their mom said they could have a few friends over so it would start another fight. I sure hope that if I ever have kids that they wouldn’t be as self-centered and rude as that just to get what they want. The worst part of it all is that during this “working together” to break their parents up, they were getting along and they were too stupid to notice that they didn’t want to not live with each other anymore so they continued to try to break the parents up. I am sure the script writer was doing this to be a “I told you so” kind of thing but it made the kids look like they all got dropped on their heads when they were younger.
Another thing that didn’t make sense was that the parents actually fell for all this stuff instead of just talking to each other to see if they actually did it or if it was the kids. That’s what you get when you marry someone about a day after you meet them and don’t even know what it is like to live with them let alone their kids. The movie just seemed like it was implausible that the situation could even happen. I can’t really make fun of the acting because they were kids and I even feel bad making fun of this movie because it was made for kids so I guess I will just stop there.
54th Worst Movie: Envy
“Envy” Starring Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Amy Poehler
Directed by Barry Levinson
I Envy Your Eyeballs… (Because They Did Not Watch This Movie)
By Michele Dillon
Ben Stiller, yes you are amazing, I still stick by that Zoolander is possibly one of the funniest movies ever. Jack Black, I never really liked you, I think that you actually purposefully pick bad movies because you have nothing else better to do with your time. Together, amazing and bad, you have created something that was probably not even considered possible…atrocious. Yes, the atrocious actor, AA if you will. Oh AA, you know no boundaries, you see no horizon, and you continue to disappoint viewers all over the world, which is your destiny. You have so completed your destiny through this movie, and may therefore dismiss yourself from further duties…please…do not make a movie again together…it is not necessary…we will forgive you…in fact we will thank you.
If I hadn’t made myself clear in the previous paragraph, this movie was not good. The basic premise was Jack Black’s character came up with the idea of making poop disappear so you wouldn’t have to use doggie bags anymore, he offered to have his friend Ben Stiller’s character get in on the action with him. Stiller thought it was a horrible idea so he declined. It ends up that the idea works and Black becomes really rich. So for most of the movie Stiller is sitting there being envious of his friend because he could have cashed on the riches too but now it is too late. Stiller’s wife also resents him the entire movie because she wants to be rich too, which I think is a blatant reason for Stiller to divorce her because she is obviously shallow and stupid, but he doesn’t and they live in agony together until….well, I don’t want to ruin this fantastic movie for you, so you will just have to see for yourself if you are really that interested. Believe me, you are not that interested.
Directed by Barry Levinson
I Envy Your Eyeballs… (Because They Did Not Watch This Movie)
By Michele Dillon
Ben Stiller, yes you are amazing, I still stick by that Zoolander is possibly one of the funniest movies ever. Jack Black, I never really liked you, I think that you actually purposefully pick bad movies because you have nothing else better to do with your time. Together, amazing and bad, you have created something that was probably not even considered possible…atrocious. Yes, the atrocious actor, AA if you will. Oh AA, you know no boundaries, you see no horizon, and you continue to disappoint viewers all over the world, which is your destiny. You have so completed your destiny through this movie, and may therefore dismiss yourself from further duties…please…do not make a movie again together…it is not necessary…we will forgive you…in fact we will thank you.
If I hadn’t made myself clear in the previous paragraph, this movie was not good. The basic premise was Jack Black’s character came up with the idea of making poop disappear so you wouldn’t have to use doggie bags anymore, he offered to have his friend Ben Stiller’s character get in on the action with him. Stiller thought it was a horrible idea so he declined. It ends up that the idea works and Black becomes really rich. So for most of the movie Stiller is sitting there being envious of his friend because he could have cashed on the riches too but now it is too late. Stiller’s wife also resents him the entire movie because she wants to be rich too, which I think is a blatant reason for Stiller to divorce her because she is obviously shallow and stupid, but he doesn’t and they live in agony together until….well, I don’t want to ruin this fantastic movie for you, so you will just have to see for yourself if you are really that interested. Believe me, you are not that interested.
55th Worst Movie: Gigli
“Gigli” Starring Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez and Justin Bartha
Directed by Martin Brest
Really?
By Michele Dillon
Those of you who have not seen this movie, this headline probably isn’t that funny. So for the purpose of making you laugh with me instead of at me, I will explain: Ben Affleck explains to people when they mispronounce his name that it rhymes with really. However, I am using the word really in the sense of: Really? Did you really make this movie? Just so you know, it always creates a bigger laugh if you have to explain your jokes…it’s been proven…
Yes, this movie REALLY is as bad as everyone says it is. It lives up to those expectations brilliantly. I am not even sure if I can write a premise on this movie because it was kind of pointless so I am not sure where they were trying to even go with it but I will make my attempt. Ok, so Affleck is supposed to be playing a “tough guy” working for a mobster where his job is to basically collect money that is owed to his employer and/or anything else that the mobster/gangster may need. In the case of this movie Affleck’s employer needs him to kidnap a mentally challenged kid (who is the brother of a court official) and then watch over him until is needed. Affleck’s employer doesn’t trust him to be able to do the job right so he hires another employee to watch over him, Lopez. Which right there, is the dumbest thing ever, why not just fire Affleck and then hire Lopez if he doesn’t trust him to do the job right? But of course, that would make it so Affleck and Lopez couldn’t have a love/hate relationship the entire movie. But oh wait, I left an important part out, Lopez’s character is a lesbian so she isn’t even attracted to Affleck at all but somehow, magically ¾ through the movie, she decides to have sex with him, but don’t get her wrong, she is still lesbian, she just wanted to “scratch her itch” apparently. So this movie ends up being a half love story/half lesbian changeover/whole really bad movie.
There is actually a whole scene dedicated to Lopez doing Yoga because it is supposed to be all sexual, but the monologue she has during the scene is a complete snore fest which leads me to believe they didn’t really think anybody would be listening to her words, which is probably true but I am not a guy, nor lesbian, nor am I a fan of Jennifer Lopez so it didn’t work on me.
I really don’t even see what the potential in this movie could have been in order for anyone to agree to produce and direct it or even write it, or to not even be embarrassed for presenting it as something that you wrote…anyway, I am glad that one is over with.
Directed by Martin Brest
Really?
By Michele Dillon
Those of you who have not seen this movie, this headline probably isn’t that funny. So for the purpose of making you laugh with me instead of at me, I will explain: Ben Affleck explains to people when they mispronounce his name that it rhymes with really. However, I am using the word really in the sense of: Really? Did you really make this movie? Just so you know, it always creates a bigger laugh if you have to explain your jokes…it’s been proven…
Yes, this movie REALLY is as bad as everyone says it is. It lives up to those expectations brilliantly. I am not even sure if I can write a premise on this movie because it was kind of pointless so I am not sure where they were trying to even go with it but I will make my attempt. Ok, so Affleck is supposed to be playing a “tough guy” working for a mobster where his job is to basically collect money that is owed to his employer and/or anything else that the mobster/gangster may need. In the case of this movie Affleck’s employer needs him to kidnap a mentally challenged kid (who is the brother of a court official) and then watch over him until is needed. Affleck’s employer doesn’t trust him to be able to do the job right so he hires another employee to watch over him, Lopez. Which right there, is the dumbest thing ever, why not just fire Affleck and then hire Lopez if he doesn’t trust him to do the job right? But of course, that would make it so Affleck and Lopez couldn’t have a love/hate relationship the entire movie. But oh wait, I left an important part out, Lopez’s character is a lesbian so she isn’t even attracted to Affleck at all but somehow, magically ¾ through the movie, she decides to have sex with him, but don’t get her wrong, she is still lesbian, she just wanted to “scratch her itch” apparently. So this movie ends up being a half love story/half lesbian changeover/whole really bad movie.
There is actually a whole scene dedicated to Lopez doing Yoga because it is supposed to be all sexual, but the monologue she has during the scene is a complete snore fest which leads me to believe they didn’t really think anybody would be listening to her words, which is probably true but I am not a guy, nor lesbian, nor am I a fan of Jennifer Lopez so it didn’t work on me.
I really don’t even see what the potential in this movie could have been in order for anyone to agree to produce and direct it or even write it, or to not even be embarrassed for presenting it as something that you wrote…anyway, I am glad that one is over with.
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