29th Worst Movie: My Baby’s Daddy

“My Baby’s Daddy” Starring Eddie Griffin, Anthony Anderson and Michael Imperioli
Directed by Cheryl Dunye

My Baby’s Really Horrible Daddy
By Michele Dillon

This movie was so bad that I was really dreading writing this blog. I kept thinking that I could ignore it but then realized that if I don’t post this one than I won’t get to post the movie next in line and then I will never finish this blog ever. I’m mostly finishing this for my own sake. There isn’t anyone hanging on my every word or anything, but I feel like I put myself through watching all these horrible movies that I have to actually follow through with it. This movie is a case in example of how horrified I would feel if I watched it for no reason. Why else would I put myself through it? For one thing, I am so sick of Anthony Anderson that if I see him in one more movie, I might have to track him down and cut his tongue out so he may never speak let only act again. What is with his high pitched voice? It’s always got a tinge of annoyance in it, like he is going to complain about something so you better get ready. It’s no mistake that he was in a lot of movies on this Worst list. He is one of the WORST actors ever. How he was allowed to be a part of a Law and Order series, I will never know.

So do I really have to talk about this movie? I feel like any more of my involvement may lead to me disliking all future movies I may watch. But oh all right, I guess if I am supposed to review it, I’ll spew my ghastly opinion of this movie…I’ll vomit the words right on to the page.

This movie was about three friends who are in their 30’s (that’s being kind) who still live with one of their family members and have parties all the time and treat women like they are just pieces of ass/meat (to be fair, the women let them, but very unbelievably because these men are not good looking in the least). All three of them manage to impregnate the women that they have in their lives at the time, all at the same time. So now (supposedly) they are supposed to grow up and be dads. But predictably, they are horrible at it and they are still just selfish men who want to do whatever they want. As the movies progresses, of course, they start to learn lessons, go through very unfunny (but I’m assuming they are supposed to be funny) situations with the baby and in the end understand what it means to be a father (unsurprisingly).

I don’t understand where the humor was supposed to be anywhere in this film. I did not laugh once. I cringed about a thousand times. I wanted to pee my pants from the idiocy. Never once have I ever felt the urge to pee because of senselessness…not once. I didn’t even think it was possible and I don’t even know what it means; I just know that my bladder was so compelled to be away from this movie that it felt the need to become full so as to make me leave the room for even just one blissful minute. I did not feel the need to press pause because I knew where the movie was going and I didn’t like it. I did, however, feel the need to press stop the second the screen turned black for the credits to roll.