“Cheaper By the Dozen 2” Starring Steve Martin, Bonnie Hunt and Hilary Duff
Directed by Adam Shankman
Cheap and Cheesy (And I certainly don’t want a dozen of it)
By Michele Dillon
If you want to know if you are going to be watching a bad movie there are a few things that you need to look out for. First off, anything with a 2, 3 or 4 after the title or just repeats the same title as the original but puts a THE in front it you want to steer clear from! Secondly, if it says Hilary Duff stars ANYWHERE in the movie, whether it is a cameo or not (is she even famous enough to do a cameo?) then you can just PUT THE MOVIE DOWN…WALK AWAY SLOWLY…and not to be too drastic but you must quickly leave the movie aisle that you are in or bad things might happen. Thirdly (thirdly is a word, right?), please remember that Adam Shankman is a good dance choreographer, but never in anyone’s definition does that ever mean that you can direct movies or that you should even try. And finally, if it talks like a bad script (you can tell its talking like a bad script because usually it does it in a really bad imitation of a British accent), it sounds like a bad script (this is simple, just have someone read it out loud to you and if you cringe at the first sentence then that’s a good sign that it is a bad script-OR to make it even more simpler, just have the script read itself to you and you’ll know immediately if its bad because of the poorly imitated British accent we just talked about-but be careful with this one, once you get a bad script to read itself…sometimes there is no turning back), it walks like a bad script (believe me, I’ve seen bad scripts walk…it was trying to get out of the scene of the set as fast as it could!)…then it IS a bad script.
If it was not abundantly clear by now, this movie is what I consider bad due to all of these qualifications…or in other words…duh.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
51st Worst Movie: Glitter
"Glitter" Starring Mariah Carrey, Max Beesley & Terrence Howard
Directed by Vondie Curtis-Hall
Slit-her Wrists!
By Michele Dillon
There are lots of things that glitter; stars…glitter…OK maybe there aren’t that many things that glitter but the point is, this movie doesn’t glitter at all. Something about watching Mariah Carrey in a movie, trying to act, made me think that there can be something worse than hearing Mariah Carrey sing. But guess what? This movie was a double whammy! I got to see Mariah Carrey try to act AND she sang at the same time! It was chaos! I didn’t know whether I should chop off my ears or gouge my eyeballs out! In the end, I settled for sticking it out through the movie so I could make fun of it to my fullest extent.
So the premise of the movie was a young girl that got taken away from her mother because she was, you guessed it, a drug addict. But she was singing since she was a little kid (I know, I almost puked trying to think of Mariah Carrey as a little kid too) and as she got older she was in what someone can only call a singing group with bad clothes (it was probably to deter from the bad singing). But one magical day, she gets discovered and she no longer has to wear bad clothes…she has to wear really bad clothes. She ends up dating her producer (didn’t anyone ever tell her that is a bad idea) and then she stops dating her producer…things happen….someone gets killed….but everything is alright because in the end she gets to meet her drug addict mother (who supposedly she has not been able to locate since she got taken away)!!
Now as you can see, I am not just a highly critical person, I actually do pay enough attention to a movie to be able to look at it in a completely non-biased way and then critique it in a completely right (and I am the only one who ever really is right about movies and whether or not they are good) way. So you are welcome for enlightening you and saving you about 2 excruciating hours of your life…don’t say I never did you any solids.
Directed by Vondie Curtis-Hall
Slit-her Wrists!
By Michele Dillon
There are lots of things that glitter; stars…glitter…OK maybe there aren’t that many things that glitter but the point is, this movie doesn’t glitter at all. Something about watching Mariah Carrey in a movie, trying to act, made me think that there can be something worse than hearing Mariah Carrey sing. But guess what? This movie was a double whammy! I got to see Mariah Carrey try to act AND she sang at the same time! It was chaos! I didn’t know whether I should chop off my ears or gouge my eyeballs out! In the end, I settled for sticking it out through the movie so I could make fun of it to my fullest extent.
So the premise of the movie was a young girl that got taken away from her mother because she was, you guessed it, a drug addict. But she was singing since she was a little kid (I know, I almost puked trying to think of Mariah Carrey as a little kid too) and as she got older she was in what someone can only call a singing group with bad clothes (it was probably to deter from the bad singing). But one magical day, she gets discovered and she no longer has to wear bad clothes…she has to wear really bad clothes. She ends up dating her producer (didn’t anyone ever tell her that is a bad idea) and then she stops dating her producer…things happen….someone gets killed….but everything is alright because in the end she gets to meet her drug addict mother (who supposedly she has not been able to locate since she got taken away)!!
Now as you can see, I am not just a highly critical person, I actually do pay enough attention to a movie to be able to look at it in a completely non-biased way and then critique it in a completely right (and I am the only one who ever really is right about movies and whether or not they are good) way. So you are welcome for enlightening you and saving you about 2 excruciating hours of your life…don’t say I never did you any solids.
Friday, February 19, 2010
You All May Be Thinking...
...that as soon as I ran out of time I gave up on my blog because if any of you have noticed I haven't posted one since. The truth is that I am still watching the movies and trying to get down to one but I just haven't posted any of the blogs about them yet. I just didn't feel worthy doing that unless I had most if not all of them watched already cause I didn't want to feel like I was letting you down...not really I am just making excuses. Anyway...just be sure that I have not given up...I will eventually finish this...I just know that for next time if I am doing anything similar to this I should give myself a little more time :)
Monday, January 25, 2010
Time's Up!
I know you guys follow this blog closely everyday( seriously, stop logging in every hour, it's weird!) so I thought that it wouldn't sneak past you to see that I am past my deadline for my blogs...
NOT TO WORRY! I am still going to finish them but it is just taking me a lot longer then expected...as I go farther and farther down the list...the movies get worse and worse...hmmm I guess that IS how a countdown works...
Anyway, don't lose faith in me 6 followers! I will prevail!
NOT TO WORRY! I am still going to finish them but it is just taking me a lot longer then expected...as I go farther and farther down the list...the movies get worse and worse...hmmm I guess that IS how a countdown works...
Anyway, don't lose faith in me 6 followers! I will prevail!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Stalling Tactic
So even though I am pretty amazing, it's not really possible for me to watch 51 movies in one day (in reality I only have 37 movies left because I watched some out of order, but they are not posted yet since I am counting down)...don't ask me how it happened but somehow the time got away from me and I obviously underestimated how long it would take me to watch such horrible movies. I figured I would watch one every other day but you want to take a break from it every once and awhile and even though there were a few times where I watched 4 movies in a day, I was just never able to catch up with deadline...I know....how could I disappoint my 6 followers so bad?
Not to worry though because I have come up with a really good stalling tactic. I am going to post a list of...wait for it...all the movies....from 2009....from best to worst!! Wow! That is even BETTER than all my movie reviews I've done so far!
So here it is...
2009 Best and Worst Movies
The Good
27.) A Perfect Getaway
26.) Julie and Julia
25.) The Proposal
24.) Earth
23.) Confessions of a Shopaholic
22.) Alvin and the Chipmunks 2: The Squeakqel
21.) Adam
20.) Sunshine Cleaning
19.) The Time Traveler’s Wife
18.) Away We Go
17.) Crossing Over
16.) Push
15.) Taken
14.) The Blindside
13.) Terminator Salvation
12.) X-Men Origins: Wolverine
11.) Gamer
10.) Law Abiding Citizen
9.) Star Trek
8.) Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
7.) Avatar 3D
6.) Up
5.) The Ugly Truth
4.) 17 Again
3.) Zombieland
2.) The Hangover
And the best movie of 2009 is…
1.) Inglourious Basterds- say Auf Wiedersehen to your Nazi balls!
The So-So
27.) Hannah Montana: The Movie
26.) Inkheart
25.) Knowing
24.) 9
23.) Fast and Furious
22.) New In Town
21.) Land of the Lost
20.) The Taking of Pelham 123
19.) Saw 6
18.) 12 Rounds
17.) Couples Retreat
16.) Men Who Stare at Goats
15.) Adventureland
14.) Hotel For Dogs
13.) I Love You Man
12.) The Last House on the Left
11.) 500 Days of Summer
10.) Orphan
9.) State of Play
8.) My Sister’s Keeper
7.) Funny People
6.) He’s Just Not That Into You
5.) Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen
4.) Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
3.) The Uninvited
2.) Armored
And the best So-So Movie of 2009 is…
1.) Whip It –“I like smart girls. That's why I married your mama. Well, that and I knocked her up.”
The Ugly
26.) Phoebe in Wonderland
25.) Paper Heart
24.) The Soloist
23.) The Education of Charlie Banks
22,) Friday the 13th
21.) Ice Age 3
20.) Sorority Row
19.) Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
18.) Obsessed
17.) The Soloist
16.) My Bloody Valentine
15.) All About Steve
14.) The Goods
13.) Fame
12.) Race to Witch Mountain
11.) Bride Wars
10.) The Brothers Bloom
9.) G.I. Joe
8.) The Unborn
7.) Fighting
6.) Year One
5.) Drag Me To Hell
4.) Jennifer’s Body
3.) Observe & Report
2.) Bruno
And the worst movie of 2009 is…
1.) Dance Flick-“You just mispronounced that word to make it sound like it had an I in it.”
Not to worry though because I have come up with a really good stalling tactic. I am going to post a list of...wait for it...all the movies....from 2009....from best to worst!! Wow! That is even BETTER than all my movie reviews I've done so far!
So here it is...
2009 Best and Worst Movies
The Good
27.) A Perfect Getaway
26.) Julie and Julia
25.) The Proposal
24.) Earth
23.) Confessions of a Shopaholic
22.) Alvin and the Chipmunks 2: The Squeakqel
21.) Adam
20.) Sunshine Cleaning
19.) The Time Traveler’s Wife
18.) Away We Go
17.) Crossing Over
16.) Push
15.) Taken
14.) The Blindside
13.) Terminator Salvation
12.) X-Men Origins: Wolverine
11.) Gamer
10.) Law Abiding Citizen
9.) Star Trek
8.) Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
7.) Avatar 3D
6.) Up
5.) The Ugly Truth
4.) 17 Again
3.) Zombieland
2.) The Hangover
And the best movie of 2009 is…
1.) Inglourious Basterds- say Auf Wiedersehen to your Nazi balls!
The So-So
27.) Hannah Montana: The Movie
26.) Inkheart
25.) Knowing
24.) 9
23.) Fast and Furious
22.) New In Town
21.) Land of the Lost
20.) The Taking of Pelham 123
19.) Saw 6
18.) 12 Rounds
17.) Couples Retreat
16.) Men Who Stare at Goats
15.) Adventureland
14.) Hotel For Dogs
13.) I Love You Man
12.) The Last House on the Left
11.) 500 Days of Summer
10.) Orphan
9.) State of Play
8.) My Sister’s Keeper
7.) Funny People
6.) He’s Just Not That Into You
5.) Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen
4.) Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
3.) The Uninvited
2.) Armored
And the best So-So Movie of 2009 is…
1.) Whip It –“I like smart girls. That's why I married your mama. Well, that and I knocked her up.”
The Ugly
26.) Phoebe in Wonderland
25.) Paper Heart
24.) The Soloist
23.) The Education of Charlie Banks
22,) Friday the 13th
21.) Ice Age 3
20.) Sorority Row
19.) Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
18.) Obsessed
17.) The Soloist
16.) My Bloody Valentine
15.) All About Steve
14.) The Goods
13.) Fame
12.) Race to Witch Mountain
11.) Bride Wars
10.) The Brothers Bloom
9.) G.I. Joe
8.) The Unborn
7.) Fighting
6.) Year One
5.) Drag Me To Hell
4.) Jennifer’s Body
3.) Observe & Report
2.) Bruno
And the worst movie of 2009 is…
1.) Dance Flick-“You just mispronounced that word to make it sound like it had an I in it.”
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
52nd Worst Movie: Johnson Family Vacation
“Johnson Family Vacation” Starring Cedric the Entertainer, Steve Harvey and Vanessa Williams
Directed by Christopher Erskin
Johnson Family Lamecation
By Michele Dillon
What good could come out of making a movie about two brothers who spend their time trying to win the Family of the Year award at their annual family reunion? That is about the lamest plot I have ever heard of. ¾ of the movie is spent on the road trip over to the reunion and the other ¼ of it is spent with Cedric and Harvey, playing brothers, fighting about who is better. I don’t know if I get these kinds of movies. It seems like there are some people out there who would think that this is funny but I was highly NOT entertained by “The Entertainer”.
Of course, Cedric also had to pull a, what I like to call, “Eddie Murphy” (it is where you play more than one part in the movie but you dress up in fat suits or change the look of your face). The “Eddie Murphy” is not exactly a good tactic, sure it worked in Bowfinger, but other than that, every movie he has made where he has played more than one character has failed. Why do these actors put themselves through this kind of misery? Or maybe it is really fun for them so they do not see how horrible it is until it is too late and the repercussions that is this movie is staring them right in the face. Who knows why they feel the need to torture me…
So anyway, usually you can tell how much I hated the movie by either the review being really short because I have nothing to really say about it, or it is super long because of all the bad stuff I have to say about it. It is only really safe to assume that if it is a medium review then I must like it, but there is always the possibility that I don’t like it as well. So really, there is no correlation between the length of my reviews and whether or not I like them, why did you even bring it up?
Directed by Christopher Erskin
Johnson Family Lamecation
By Michele Dillon
What good could come out of making a movie about two brothers who spend their time trying to win the Family of the Year award at their annual family reunion? That is about the lamest plot I have ever heard of. ¾ of the movie is spent on the road trip over to the reunion and the other ¼ of it is spent with Cedric and Harvey, playing brothers, fighting about who is better. I don’t know if I get these kinds of movies. It seems like there are some people out there who would think that this is funny but I was highly NOT entertained by “The Entertainer”.
Of course, Cedric also had to pull a, what I like to call, “Eddie Murphy” (it is where you play more than one part in the movie but you dress up in fat suits or change the look of your face). The “Eddie Murphy” is not exactly a good tactic, sure it worked in Bowfinger, but other than that, every movie he has made where he has played more than one character has failed. Why do these actors put themselves through this kind of misery? Or maybe it is really fun for them so they do not see how horrible it is until it is too late and the repercussions that is this movie is staring them right in the face. Who knows why they feel the need to torture me…
So anyway, usually you can tell how much I hated the movie by either the review being really short because I have nothing to really say about it, or it is super long because of all the bad stuff I have to say about it. It is only really safe to assume that if it is a medium review then I must like it, but there is always the possibility that I don’t like it as well. So really, there is no correlation between the length of my reviews and whether or not I like them, why did you even bring it up?
Monday, January 4, 2010
53rd Worst Movie: Yours, Mine and Ours
“Yours, Mine and Ours” Starring Dennis Quaid, Rene Russo and Sean Faris
Directed by Raja Gosnell
These Kids Are Definitely Yours
By Michele Dillon
I know kids are bad, but this movie made them seem selfish and horrible. The movie is about two old high school sweethearts who meet each other again a few decades down the road. The woman has 10 kids and the man has 8 kids. They decide to get married right off the bat so the kids have to live together and they hate it. They plot together to ruin their parents relationship just so they don’t have to live with each other. A few things they do are; ruining their mom’s working space right when she had to make a bunch of purses on a time budget, possibly making her lose the job, just because they knew it would piss her off and make her get into a fight with the dad and they also threw a party and blamed it on the fact that their mom said they could have a few friends over so it would start another fight. I sure hope that if I ever have kids that they wouldn’t be as self-centered and rude as that just to get what they want. The worst part of it all is that during this “working together” to break their parents up, they were getting along and they were too stupid to notice that they didn’t want to not live with each other anymore so they continued to try to break the parents up. I am sure the script writer was doing this to be a “I told you so” kind of thing but it made the kids look like they all got dropped on their heads when they were younger.
Another thing that didn’t make sense was that the parents actually fell for all this stuff instead of just talking to each other to see if they actually did it or if it was the kids. That’s what you get when you marry someone about a day after you meet them and don’t even know what it is like to live with them let alone their kids. The movie just seemed like it was implausible that the situation could even happen. I can’t really make fun of the acting because they were kids and I even feel bad making fun of this movie because it was made for kids so I guess I will just stop there.
Directed by Raja Gosnell
These Kids Are Definitely Yours
By Michele Dillon
I know kids are bad, but this movie made them seem selfish and horrible. The movie is about two old high school sweethearts who meet each other again a few decades down the road. The woman has 10 kids and the man has 8 kids. They decide to get married right off the bat so the kids have to live together and they hate it. They plot together to ruin their parents relationship just so they don’t have to live with each other. A few things they do are; ruining their mom’s working space right when she had to make a bunch of purses on a time budget, possibly making her lose the job, just because they knew it would piss her off and make her get into a fight with the dad and they also threw a party and blamed it on the fact that their mom said they could have a few friends over so it would start another fight. I sure hope that if I ever have kids that they wouldn’t be as self-centered and rude as that just to get what they want. The worst part of it all is that during this “working together” to break their parents up, they were getting along and they were too stupid to notice that they didn’t want to not live with each other anymore so they continued to try to break the parents up. I am sure the script writer was doing this to be a “I told you so” kind of thing but it made the kids look like they all got dropped on their heads when they were younger.
Another thing that didn’t make sense was that the parents actually fell for all this stuff instead of just talking to each other to see if they actually did it or if it was the kids. That’s what you get when you marry someone about a day after you meet them and don’t even know what it is like to live with them let alone their kids. The movie just seemed like it was implausible that the situation could even happen. I can’t really make fun of the acting because they were kids and I even feel bad making fun of this movie because it was made for kids so I guess I will just stop there.
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